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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I married a single mother who had a couple of kids and so did I from my previous marriage.[/quote]

I did too, and posted about it a couple of pages back...

[quote]The bad part is that for several years dealing with her kids from her prior marriage was a fucking nightmare which I would not wish on anyone in the world. It came pretty close to us splitting up over conflicts relating to her kids.

So my advice to any guy taking on step-children is to think long and hard because I assure you that the dynamics involved are more often than not a time bomb waiting to go off. If the ex is involved that can make things even more complicated.

Parents have conflicts in raising children even when they are not step-children. When one introduces the dynamic of the kids being from another relationship, the potential for conflicts and how best to deal with them becomes infinitely more hazardous.[/quote]

+1M

This is what I meant about power dynamics; if you have a disagreement about what is the best course of action for some aspect of parenting, you can bet that if it's not your child, that "trump card" will get pulled, in an attempt to ignore/override you, even though you have no choice but to live with the consequences of those decisions - unless, of course, like me, you leave.

I finally left when he made his 3rd attempt to launch at 32 - he'd finally gotten out of rehab (coke) and gotten a steady job.  I figured things were on the upswing, so it was the best possible time to GTFO.  Of course, he, like every bartender and stripper in the country, became a "Real Estate Agent" during the boom, so he is back living with her again (along with his son!), and I am still paying for the roof over their head.

I remain convinced that if even a modicum of my ideas about how to handle his adolescent/young-adult teething issues had been followed, he'd have some self-confidence and self-actualization.  Or maybe not, but he wouldn't still be living in the guest room in his early 40s.

And that single-moms, is the risk a lot of men intuit about getting involved with you...they aren't just getting involved with you, they are getting involved with your kids.  I think it is different for single-dads...I think the fact they have their own kids, and formerly-single-mom's desire to have some say about single-dad's kids, goes a long, long way to re-balancing that.  I know, I know..your kids - like everyone's kids - are wonderful angels, so that will never apply to you.

BTW - before somebody labels me a misogynist troll: I'm on good terms with my ex and her son and I'm not bitter about the support arrangement; she's an amazing woman in many ways, I'm just happier not married to her.  He does have a father who also kicked in a lot of the $$$ for the various follies.  [/quote]

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