Reply to H is not happy with sex only once a week

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]
You don't deserve to have your "emotional needs" respected because you don't have respect for your partner. Being required to have sex when you don't want to because the other partner is having an [b]emotional meltdown about it and is throwing a temper tantrum[/b] isn't respectful of your low drive partner's needs.

If you can't come to compromise, then you are better off divorced and so is your partner.

As for me, I've been married 23 years in a marriage that [b]ended up with very mismatched sex drives after the kids got here[/b]. We compromised and found a way to keep it together, with everyone putting in an effort to make it work. [/quote]

First of all, your perpetually dismissive characterization of a spouse trying to get their sexual needs met as being childish (e.g. "whiny," "temper tantrum") reflects a huge blind spot. Because your sex drive disappeared, you seem to regard the needs of others in that respect as something trivial and foolish rather than a substantial and intrinsic part of the human experience - like a blind person sneering at art as so much doodling by people who really ought to be doing something more productive.

Secondly, your statement that your drives became mismatched after the children suggests that the lowering of your drive was the change in the sexual status quo. I don't know you and I'm obviously speculating, but it looks like your attitude about the sex drives of others may be sour grapes and/or an attempt to minimize your appreciation of how much pain the change in the status quo might be inflicting on your husband.

Compromising isn't a bad thing -- it might be the only alternative to divorce. Nobody can be blamed for their base line sex drive, only the effort they put into matching their drive to their spouses. But, if you regard the need for sex as childish, how motivated can you be to put forth that effort?[/quote]

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