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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote] wish we could all just stay on topic. I need tips on getting full custody of my child. His mistress was ruthless when we spoke. He was planning on getting her pregnant. He told her they were going to live together. She seemed perfectly ok with getting pregnant by a married man.[/quote]

OP, you've been given the best tips, which is to drop the fantasy that you'll get full custody because your husband cheated on you and is generally a scumbag. the best thing you can do right now is get an advantageous divorce agreement that spells out child support, custody, etc. It doesn't matter if he was planning on banging 33 girls a night--he is not an unfit parent and he wants to be involved in his child's life and he will be, so you best get used to the idea and work it out to your best advantage.

And if you care about the well being of your child, which I assume you do, the very very very best thing you can do (and perhaps the hardest) is to figure out how to peacefully co-parent with your ex. I have seen the product of a child whose parents divorced young and could never drop the anger and it has devastated this child in numerous ways. You need to realize that your marriage is over, that you need to find a way to deal with your anger and pain in therapy and not in an unrewarding and nasty custody battle that will cost you endless $$ and not end up getting you what you want and poison your co-parenting relationship.

I can understand the feelings of betrayal and anger, but you cannot choose to cut your ex out of his child's life. You had the choice to procreate with him or not, but what's done is done. Move on and get your revenge by living well. [/quote]

OP, I agree with others that you will not get full custody, but "joint" custody has a wide variation. It can be a exact 50/50 split of time or it can be a primary home (i.e. custodial parent) with 1 night a week and every other weekend to the non-custodial parent.  If what you are looking for is to maximize the time you can get with your child and maximize the number of nights you have with your kid, then I would do the following -- document all time spent btwn now and the divorce/custody negotiations begin.  Who is at home when for how long every day with the child?  Who buys food?  Buys clothes?  Makes doctor's appointments and takes to the doctor? Takes the child to daycare or school?  Talks to teachers?  Document all of it.  Get a calendar and write it down.  Print out emails and texts that relate to making or changing childcare btwn the 2 of you.   What has been the pattern in the past should be maintained -- that is in the "best interests" of the child and that is all the law cares about.

Even if you are the primary caretaker, you will NOT get full custody.  Your ex and whatever girl of the moment will have some time with the child.  You may find that your ex, over time, approaches you on "his days" and says he has other plans.  Take the child without complaint.  You may find over time that he actually cedes more time to you like this than you were given under the order.  Or, you might get lucky, and he might be consistent about visitation and form a strong bond with your child.  There is no way to tell now.

I agree with you, that a man who has an long term affair is a shitty dad.  Good fathers don't do things that break up the family and force their kids to live in 2 family homes.  It sucks that he is a selfish parent, but you don't have any control of that, and you will never change it.   The court doesn't care about who is a "good" parent.  They only care if a parent is an actively "bad" parent, i.e., that physical or sexual abuse or, perhaps, serious neglect (like leaving a kid alone) has happened.  Focus on getting as much time as you can with your child and being the best parent you can when you are with them.  Don't criticize the other parent.  Your child will see mother and father's actions growing up, and your child will clearly see what kind of parent each of you are.  If your ex is as selfish as you say he is, your kids will experience heartbreak with him and there is nothing you can do to protect them from it.  Think now how you are going to handle that in a healthy way -- you don't want to demonize him, but you also don't want to normalize crappy treatment because then your kids will accept it from other people.  [/quote]

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