Reply to Conflict around family size

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I want to watch someone take away from you something for which you long with every fiber of your being.  Let's see how angelic your behavior will be.[/quote]

I think this is the OP- so you're saying that a second child is more important to you than having one child and staying with your husband?  Your priorities are seriously fucked up if your idea of "big family" is lots of kids and no dad.  Grieve the loss of your family ideal and move on.  Or dump his ass, get pregnant, and raise two kids at 40.  [/quote]
This is not the OP.  I am not saying that a second child is more important than having one child and staying with your husband, I don't believe I had. What I AM saying is that discovering my husband doesn't want a second child lowers his value in this calculation very substantially.  What I am saying is that for me, it is impossible to have your presumable life partner do this to me, and emerge with my love and commitment for him unchanged.  He betrayed me.  I don't know if I will leave or stay.  What I know is that I don't feel the same way about him. He is not the same person I married. You're trying to pretend this decision of his  shouldn't have consequences, and the fact is that it does, and he shouldn't be able to pretend, or insist, that it doesn't.[/quote]

I don't understand - it seems that from the conversation you had with him, after you purposely became pregnant, it wasn't clear that he was on board for #2.  How on earth is this a betrayal?  The person you married was on the fence.  And now he's made his decision.  This can't be the only issue your marriage.  My guess is that there is something else going on, and this is just one thing that ticks you off.  If you truly hate and resent him, and think you can't get over it, then it's probably best for everyone if you leave - your kid deserves better than to grow up in a house where her mother hates her father, especially since it'll be clear that it's because you wanted another kid.  Whether or not you think it makes sense, your child WILL think 'mommy hates daddy because i wasn't enough."  Children aren't rational . I agree with PP that you need to look at this from a grieving perspective. [/quote]

Oh, and - the chances of you finding another partner, getting married and having a kid easily, when you are already 40, is minimal.  So when calculating what you want, do not assume that you will get another child outside of your current marriage. [/quote]

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