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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I am in therapy. We talked about it this morning. She suggested I talk to him about wanting to date and let that sink in for a while. [/quote]

?????????????

This makes not one iota of sense.  A real therapist suggested that you talk to a controlling ex of ten years about you wanting to date??

I'm out.  You're making this up as you go along.[/quote]

I'm not.

I'm sure she thinks it's best to just face it instead of hiding and being afraid of his reaction. [/quote]

NP here, and a real therapist would encourage you to break the cycle of abuse and control and help you find way to empower yourself in this situation. My best friend had a very similar relationship with her ex- and I will tell you the same thing I told her "you can't control how he is going to react, he is going to say the meanest things to hurt you and get a raise out of you, including threatening the welfare of your child. And everytime you give him the reaction he wants (fear, anger, anxiety), he wins. The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result"

She is now remarried, in a healthy relationship, and even when her ex attacks her with his abusive crap- she has learned how to stop giving him all that power. No one said that will be easy OP, it is gonna be hard- that is why you have put it off for ten years now but for gods sake why waste any more time hemming and hawing about it?!

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