Reply to Husband still not working. What would you do?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Strangely, I'm sympathetic to the OP's situation, but not to the OP.  The facts are compelling, but the tone of her posts is odd.  It all sounds like "this isn't what I signed up for, so now I want a refund."

I think she will leave her husband, or he'll file for divorce, the husband will get primary custody, and she'll end up ordered to pay alimony and child support.  Amazing what happens when the laws are gender-neutral.  [/quote]

Um no - I never said I want a refund. I just want my husband to get his head out of the clouds and come down to reality and be part of the team. So easy for people to make comments like yours when they are not in the same situation. Tell me 
how happy and understanding you'd feel if you were me? Really, go back and read what's going on here. I'm pissed. Don't I have a right to be pissed? I came here to vent - sorry you don't like my "tone".

How do you think I feel when my family, friends or anyone asks me - hey has your husband found a job yet? How's his business going? They all look at me like I'm a pathetic little kitten. I'm the fucking sob story that everyone gets to talk about when they get together for drinks. I'm so goddamn embarrassed that I don't' even want to talk or go out with my friends anymore. Because you know why? All they do is talk about all the new furniture they bought, what outfit they should  wear, where they went on vacation or where they went out to eat. Just bullshit materialistic crap.  And then they look at me and don't know what to say. I wish my biggest problem was deciding what I'm going to wear tomorrow, or where our next vacation will be.

So not only do I have to worry everyday about money, where we are going to live, how we can feed our family and survive, but I also have to live with the shame of where my life is right now. Yes, I am ashamed. And anyone else who berates me for feeling this way has never walked a day in my shoes.

[/quote]

Not PP, but I have walked in your shoes and am walking in them.  My DH lost his job a little over five years ago.  Right now, he is a SAHD, but not by choice.  He keeps saying he'll go back and look for a job soon.  He also is going to pass the bar "soon."  He has failed multiple times at this point and hasn't even bothered to study in over two years.  All I hear is "when will he get a job?" and it was embarrassing to me for a long time.

Then, I did what one of the many PPs recommended, and sat down and made my choice on my own, without anyone else's input and without my husband.  Here are the terms of what I can support on my pay check; here are the things I cannot support.  With that lifestyle, do I love the good qualities my husband has more than the downside of living with him unemployed and everything that entails?  Do I respect him as a man without a job?  I decided I did and made my peace with that.  If the kids are 12 and we are still here, I imagine I'll make the same analysis again.  [b]It sounds cold, but to avoid being a simmering, ashamed mess of a person who is constantly fraught with worry, I had to do it.  The situation was ruining my life.  To be clear, the financial worries aren't any better after doing this, but at least I'm more in an "it is what it is" zen place about the situation.[/b][/quote]

Yes, this is pretty much what I did, 100%. It's not perfect, but it is better than the alternative.[/quote]

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