Reply to My husband destroyed my cell phone and I called the police

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP, ignore the crazies on this forum, who are saying things were your fault or you should have known better, or whatever. You don't need to be filling your headspace with that right now.

Talk with your therapist and with a good friend or two. Make plans to separate, at the very least. Look into your options with a lawyer (financial, custodial, etc.).  Those are the concrete steps you can do to feel more in control right now. You are going to be ok. You are going to get through this and things will be so much better.

Good luck.[/quote]

No, things are not going to get better. At best, she is going to be a single mother with two small kinds and unhinged ex, worrying about their and her safety (much more so than before) and fighting court battles for considerable time.[/quote]

So the answer is to stay in a semi abusive relationship and model that behavior for her children?  And years down the line she'll wonder why her kids have messed up relationships.  [/quote]

I dont know what the answer is but to pretend that "getting out of an abusive relationship" is going to make everything better is not helpful, either. But on the other hand, OP will always have the satisfaction of knowing she fought for that trip with her girlfriends till the bitter end.[/quote]

That's just not nice, why would you write that? It is not at all about this trip with her girlfriends. If it was not this it would have been something else. OP say that this behavior has continued over the years with escalating events. 
Getting out the relationship is not going to make everything perfect, but it will be better. And actually do you have a personal experience with similar situation or being a single parent to so authoritatively talk about this?[/quote]

No, it wouldnt have been something else because OP's relationship with her girlfriends (whom, I am sure, she considers much superior company to her husband, as they probably went to some "elite" HS or something) is one of the major triggers for his anger episodes. She knew this, yet insisted on some weird arrangement that would be over the top for most of the rest of us whose husbands have no issues with our friends.[/quote]

Did you miss the part where her husband was also invited on the trip, but they decided, together, that they were not okay with both of them leaving their small kids for 4 days?

As for "OP's relationhip with her girlfriends" being a trigger for her husband's anger episodes, if my husband flew into a rage, threatened me with divorce, tried to use my children as tools to hurt me, and then threatened me with physical violence and destroyed my property, I would leave. Yes, with 2 little kids. Yes, with 10 years of marriage.

Those of you (or maybe just the one of you) suggesting that she not even CONSIDER that are horrible. Really? A woman should stay married to a controlling abusive man who isolates her from her friends and flies into a rage if she doesn't do exactly what he says, because she might have to go to court? Would you say this if it was your sister calling you with this story?[/quote]

I know they had an agreement. But I also know her husband was very clearly and strongly against it. My husband and I have agreements all the time and change minds later when we realize the other side cares more about particular issue (e.g. DH and I agreed on a name for one of our children that we both liked. However, later I decided to change it to a name he liked a bit more because I realized how happy that would make him. There are a zillion examples - big and small, on both sides - of this in our marriage). My guess is that her husband agreed to it because she has an upper hand in the relationship but was hoping she would change her mind. OP seems very disrespectful of her husband, and is feeding into his insecurities regarding himself and his marriage, therefore making her own situation more difficult and more dangerous. At the same time, she chose a guy that has particular difficulties dealing with that position, and keeps pressing his buttons because he is supposed to be normal or something.

Btw, I've never said she shouldn't be considering divorce. It's too late for that now anyways; by calling the police she made her marriage beyond salvagable and her own situation much more dangerous than it was 72 hours ago. What I am saying is that, yes, OP bears a big chunck of responsibility for her own situation and, due to her rigidity and arrogance will end up in not such a great place.[/quote]

You are completely out of line.  Way to heap more abuse on the OP, and make her doubt herself even more than she already was.  What a fucking bitch you are.
[/quote]

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