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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Wow, I'm surprised that so many of you would express disappointment, anger, not in my house, etc . . .  What is the goal?  To lead them to sneak around?  To teach them sex is bad?  To completely remove yourself from any conversation about what they are actually doing?

My goal is to raise my DD to see sex as a really good thing in the right context, meaning a loving, positive relationship.  My secondary goal is to make sure she will talk to me if and when she feels the need to discuss anything related to sex.  I'm 12:52 and my DD is 17 and I have no problem with her having sex with her boyfriend in her bedroom with the door closed.  She has gotten the message that the relationship is important.  I do not fear that she will go off to college and hook up like crazy.

As for the poster who insists her DC won't have sex until marriage . . . you are dreaming, but okey dokey.  My parents thought the same thing about me.  HA HA HA HA.[/quote]

I'm sure someone will trip me up with this analogy, but here goes anyway:

I think of sex kind of like alcohol. I want my kids to have a healthy respect for alcohol, to be able to drink responsibly, to have full information about the impact of drinking, etc etc etc. I want them to be able to talk to me about the drinking that is going on around them and even (god forbid, LOL) the drinking that they themselves are doing. I want them to know my personal values about drinking, but also to feel that they can ALWAYS call me if they or the person driving them has been drinking. So we talk about drinking, the good and the bad, I express my opinion about responsible drinking, about the dangers of drinking so much that you have to rely on others (teens, no less, LOL) for your safety and well-being, I say again and again that they will never be punished for CALLING ME for a ride. But I don't serve alcohol to teens.

And I think of sex and alcohol similarly in this way: I think the later the start, generally the better. Sure, some kids drink or have sex at age 14 and turn out great. But statistics suggest that kids who start drinking at older ages rather than younger tend to have healthier attitudes toward drinking, are less likely to develop problems with alcohol, etc. I have a notion that delaying sex might have similar positive effects overall. I have no statistics at hand to back up that opinion, it is just the view I take. [/quote]

I'm the PP you quote and I agree completely with this.  Notice that my DD is 17, not 14.

I'm just amused by all the posts by parents of younger kids.  I think you are all freaking out about your children become sexual beings which I can understand because they are quite young and you probably look at them and think "ACK!"  But they will grow up.  And some of their friends will be hooking up and some will be in degrading relationships.  There is a good context and a bad and since our kids will go off to college we have a limited amount of time to make sure they understand the difference.  Since I have an older teen and we actually talk I know about the conduct of other kids.  And you should all know that all the kids in long term relationships are having sex.  And some of those in no particular relationship are having sex.  If you say "not in my house," where are they going to go?  Cars?  The woods?  Will they skip school and stay home?  For those of you who have daughters, how empowered will they be in the relationship if sex becomes a result of opportunity and not more affirmative decision making?  And for those of you who have sons, shouldn't they respect their girlfriends enough not to be doing it in a car?  It makes total sense to me the way the Slate article discusses the fact that Dutch kids are more respectful of each other.

Our kids will one day be in their 20s, 30s and beyond.  The goal is for them to both be in committed relationships and to have a satisfying sex life.  Isn't that what we all want for our kids?  I don't see how forcing them to sneak around serves that goal.  Of course you are uncomfortable with the idea of your children being sexual beings, but you will be more uncomfortable if your 30 year old is an asexual being, or a promiscuous one.

As for all the people screaming condoms, its laughable that you think we've never discussed this.  You need to start discussing this when your kids are young, too young to have sex, because you want them to grow up with the idea that using a condom is a rock solid requirement.  By the way, even if you never have that conversation with your kids, they know it.  Condom use is very much a part of teen culture.  [/quote]

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