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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Showed this thread to my proudly openly gay brother.

He said it was odd that the posters who are calling gay actually seem more reasonable about it.  He said that the people who are going out of their way to insist that certain conduct was not gay seem to be in denial – like they are afraid of the label. He said that these people seem to be buying into the negative connotation more than the seemingly “close minded” people who only see gay and straight.

He also said that he sure he knows some of your DHs.   :wink:
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That's interesting.  I showed it to my gay BIL and he says a few homosexual experiences aren't enough to make one 'gay'.  He said that if people have attraction to only one sex, that's homosexual.  If they're attracted to both sexes, they're bisexual.  He also said it's not unusual for a person to be bisexual at one time and then change to either gay or heterosexual.  Preferences can change.

I don't think anyone making the non-gay argument is a bigot or has problems with the 'label', it's just not the correct label.  My kids have special needs and I feel this issue keenly.  I have no problem with people knowing what my kids' 'labels' because that's how their disabilities are best described.  There are overlapping symptoms between different 'labels' (think ADHD and ASD) that may lead a person to think my child has a different label than the one diagnoses but that would be incorrect.  In the same way, homosexual experience doesn't necessarily indicate sexual preference.  "Gay" describes someone's preference, not their experience.[/quote]

I am the PP you are responding to.  I have a DC with SN, so I somewhat understand your analogy and I appreciate your measured reasoned response.  But maybe you could help me with one piece of what you said because this thread has confused me.  We hear all the time that LGBT are "born" that way - that is who they are.  I have internalized that concept and whenever I had to defend my brother or advocated for friends, that was my lead arguement - that is who they are - it is a basic part of their identity and personality. My brother thinks that also. In this thread, I am reading words like "preference" which implies choice.  That is why I am struggling with the whole concept.  I hope no one jumps on me because I am really trying to understand. Isn't the concept that someone is "born" gay (and that is their being) in conflict with saying that "although I chose to have a few homosexual experiences, I am not gay?" Seems like it is a nature/nurture type dicussion.  Hope I did not offend. [/quote]

OK, PP, this is a serious question and deserves a serious answer. The trolls will flame away, but here goes:

1) Most psychologists believe that there is a spectrum of sexual preference -- some people are 100% attracted to members of the same sex, some 100% attracted only to members of the opposite sex, and some are in-between. Figure a scale of 1-5, 1 being "completely gay," 5 being "completely straight," 3 being "completely bi," and 2 being prefer same-sex but sometimes attracted to opposite sex, and 4 being prefer opposite sex but sometimes attracted to same sex.

2) Most psychologists/biologists also believe that where you are on this spectrum is either genetic or genetic plus very early experiences (infancy, early childhood), such that you can't "choose" to move around on that spectrum.

3) So if you're at 1 or 5, that's just where you are. You're gay or you're straight.

4) But if you're at 2,3 or 4, you might say"I'm bi," or you migght say you're gay or straight but have occasionally experimented. Or you might say that you think these are stupid labels, becuse what you end up doing, who you end up sleeping with, and who you marry may be pretty random, just as it is for heterosexuals (why did you marry person A and not B? well, because you met him at the right time, you both love bowling, you had mutual friends, you share a sense of humor, you happen to like tall blue eyed people, whatever). So if you're in the middle of the spectrum, you might end up falling in love with a member of the same sex and you migth end up falling in love with a mmeber of the opposite sex.

5) Whether you will then be monogamous or not is a completely different issue.... some gay men are monogamous, and some heterosexual men cheat. Ditto for women.

make sense?

[pls ignore trolls who will be sure to post nasty responses]

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