Reply to Wives of physicians--dealing with loneliness

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[quote=Anonymous]Hi, OP here.  I was quite surprised to see this thread from so long ago.

Anyhow, in case anyone is wondering, things have actually gotten quite a bit better since I first posted this thread.

First, an update on the social: nothing really has changed with that.  I joined a few new social groups since posting this thread and made one new acquaintance, but she's very busy and I only get to see her once every 3 months or so, so it's been hard for our friendship to really develop.  Overall, I've stopped making an effort to try to make new friends by joining social groups, etc.

What I have realized is that the reason it's been so difficult for me to make friends is that nearly everyone I meet out here in the 'burbs grew up in this area, or went to school here, and they already have lots of family and established friends in the area.  That's certainly the case in my office--I am the only person there who is not from this area, everyone else grew up here and has lots friends and family here.  So most people I meet, whether through social groups or at work, aren't looking to make new friends at this point in their lives, because they're already "crazy busy" with the friends and family they do have in the area.  No one has time for me, and I am okay with that.

I think I have made peace with this, and no longer constantly ruminate about feeling so lonely and alone all the time, because intellectually, I understand that most people don't move to a brand new area knowing no one like we did.  Most people move to where their families are, or at least to an area where they have a few friends, but we made the choice to move to an area where we knew no one.  Everyone else already has all the friends they need, and aren't looking to make new friends at this age.  The few friends I have made in this area have such packed schedules with their friends and family that I only end up seeing them a few times a year, which is not ideal.  But I have been able to make peace with this and try to stay busy with my own activities.

Plus, DH and I are in an unusual social niche: we aren't single, and aren't parents, so it's especially hard to make friends when you're a married couple without kids living in the burbs, and moved here knowing no one.

Holidays are still hard for me, since we are always alone for them.

In terms of work, I really enjoy my job but have not been able to make any friends there because everyone there already has plenty of friends and family and no one is looking to make any more.  I am very friendly with people at work, but we don't do anything together outside of work.  I wish things were different with that, but it's certainly understandable that most people after their 20's just aren't looking to make brand new friends.

So I have been trying to enjoy my solitude more by engaging in fun activities after work and on weekends, and trying to keep busy when DH is working his 80 hour weeks.  I am still lonely most of the time, but the loneliness is not as painful most of the time as it used to be.  I do wish I had some support here, and it depresses me that we still have no semblance of a social circle or any support even though we've lived here a few years already, and I still struggle with this.

But overall, things are better!

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