Reply to Cliquey parents

Forum Index » Elementary School-Aged Kids

Reply to "Cliquey parents "

Subject:

Emoticons





More smilies

Text Color: Font: Close Marks

[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Im the mom of one boy who had social struggles in early elementary and wasn’t super athletic. I was friendly with some other moms but in general I was taken aback and how cliquish the moms of kids in his grade seemed to be, and felt sort of left out of many things. Then in rolled my second kid with his easy confidence and his superior athleticism and the moms of kids in HIS grade were so surprisingly friendly! We were invited to everything! Everyone was so welcoming! I was added to so many group chats!

I knew better though. If my second kid had been my first kid I would have thought our school was just so welcoming and nice and then I’d have been devastated when my second kid rolled in and we were shut out of stuff in his grade. I also know those moms will drop me as soon as my kid decides he actually doesn’t want to do travel soccer anymore he wants to do the chess club. So I stay above the drama. I recommend it [/quote]

This. I went through this with just one kid. She was the "weird", small, awkward kid who was bad at sports and really limited social skills until 4th grade. She struggled to make friends and the other moms avoided me or talked to me with pity in their voices because they felt bad for us. Then in 4th, DD, who is actually an awesome kid who happened to be socially awkward, started winning every academic award the school offered and the other kids discovered she plays the piano and violin really well. Suddenly the kids liked and respected her and started inviting her to things, and the other moms got much more friendly. But my kid didn't change and neither did I. It's just the way they viewed us changed because they discovered my kid has hidden talents when they'd assumed we were all just losers.

I was never impolite and of course I encouraged my kid to accept those offers of friendship. But I also recognized it all for what it was -- shallow. People tell on themselves every single day.[/quote]

Why is it shallow? Honest question- if my kids aren’t friends with a kid at school, I don’t invite them to play dates and activities.  Just like other families don’t invite my kid to stuff.  But then kids change, become friends with different kids, etc.  So then I would invite someone to that.  [/quote]

It’s completely obvious how shallow it is. I showed up at a new school, I’m cute and my kid is good looking and the mom cohort acted like I was some kind of celebrity welcoming me. Then at the first basketball practice my son is the worst on the team and burst into tears at one point. (I had no idea the other kids would be so skilled or I wouldn’t have encouraged him to join!) After that they acted like I had leprosy. Three years later they completely ignore me.
My second kid is better socially and I’m on all the group chats and invited to everything. [/quote]

To me, it seems perfectly natural that you'd naturally fade from sporty mom clique if your older kid wasn't actually sporty. And a boy randomly crying at open gym is super weird. Sorry, I can see how that would rattle new families. Just being honest.[/quote]

You’re basically defining shallow friendships with this. Your older kid isn’t actually sporty so you immediately get faded out of a group whose sons are sportier. That’s shallow. It has its place- I have plenty of shallow, convenience based friendships of mom friends- but don’t try to pretend it’s a deep friendship as opposed to a shallow one if it is based on what travel sports team one of your kids makes vs doesn’t make.[/quote]

How in the world is it "shallow" for the parents whose kids are in the same activities to bond? It's perfectly natural. This forum is full of loner weirdos.[/quote]
 It isn’t. [b]But it’s shallow if you abandon that friendship as soon as your kids aren’t on the same team anymore. It means you were only friends because your kids were in the same team. [/b]Not because you actually bonded and became friends. That’s fine as long as everyone is on the same page! There’s a mom who I sit by at every soccer game who is hilarious and I love sitting by her. But we have not much in common and don’t live near each other and if her kid quit the sport I doubt I’d talk to her again. That’s fine. But it also means we aren’t close friends clearly!![/quote]

There are only so many hours in a day. Parents everywhere, from the poor to the very rich, bond and pair up when their kids are in the same activities... attend the same church... vacation at the same places. It's not in any way snobby or exclusionary. It's something you all have in common, everyone is vetted, there's lots of car pooling involved, lots of travel, lots of going out to eat, group food and drink, the kids are closer in friendships because they're around each other so much, so the parents become closer because they too are around each other so much. It's perfectly natural and super convenient. Unless you're literally neighbors, it's unlikely a kid super into violin is going to be besties with the sporty kid who makes a competitive sports team.[/quote]

I’m talking about the parents of those kids . Why could a parent of a violin kid not be friends with a parent of a soccer kid? Or, if 2 women become friends because of kid soccer, and one kid quits soccer, would a true meaningful friendship evaporate immediately? Of course not. Unless the sole basis of the friendship was kid soccer, which is fine and natural but also means the friendship was super shallow. [/quote]

Options

	Disable HTML in this message
	Disable BB Code in this message
	Disable smilies in this message

Review message

Search Recent Topics Hottest Topics