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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I’m not in this exact situation but similar. All of my mom‘s children live out of state, all over the country. In the throes of a mental health break, my mom gave my aunt power of attorney. She had been estranged from her for decades, so this came out of left field. My aunt took all of this on, not understanding what she was really getting herself into because she never witnessed my moms mental health struggles. So long story short, my mom is now in independent living, but very quickly moving toward memory care. At this point, my aunt has taken on so much that we are actually quite grateful for all of the mental load that we didn’t have to carry long distance. It has oddly improved our relationship with an aunt that we barely knew. She’s quite wealthy herself, but I’m telling you right now. If she asked me for money, I would send it in a heartbeat. As it stands the only thing she really cares about is thanks. So we heap that on her like nobody’s business because I see the toll that this care is taking on her.

So all of this is to say that, even if it was to appease any guilt, and I know you say you don’t have any which is perfectly fine, just send the money. I know you’ve already decided to do so and I think that this will resolve organically once things start to gel at the nursing home. Is she even there yet? I have a feeling things will just calm down once she’s there and your sister gets a feel for the place. I think my siblings and I are a tad more aligned than yours in that we will throw any money at the situation because it actually sucks. Similar to you we don’t really get along all that well with our mom and so we’re just really grateful that other people are willing to spend time with her!! [/quote]

My sister sounds like your aunt actually.

And if I might play amateur psychiatrist, I'll tell you what I really think is going on here.  My sister is in her early 60s and has no children.  She wanted them, but deferred to her husband of several decades.  It was his second marriage and he had kids from his first.  He basically told her he'd have them with her if she really wanted them but would prefer not to and she deferred.  And now she regrets it.  And her husband is older than her and not as healthy and there's little question that he will be the first to go.  So she's starting to wonder who's going to step in for her.  And that's what's driving all of this.  At least psychologically.

Fortunately, as I said, unlike our mother she does at least have money.

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