Reply to Is 47 too old for a man to start a family?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Op, ignore all the bitter women on this board. They don’t want to see you happy. Family life of many of these women are failures. Many are divorced and on their second or third marriages and some cannot find a husband.

Its best if you marry a family values woman from West Virginia or Arkansas. My buddy is with a fine lady from Arkansas after his first marriage and he is doing great.[/quote]

I live in Midwest and have seen multiple men on dating apps twice and trice divorced. Still looking in their late 50s-early 60s. These marriages are perfect on the surface or only a few years (5 max). Statistically, large age gap marriage is much higher divorce risk than between age peers. This is just dry statistics not from your buddy from Arkansas

AI Overview
Studies show that larger age gaps between spouses significantly increase divorce risks. A 5-year gap sees an 18% higher chance, a 10-year gap 39% higher, and a 20-year gap raises the risk by 95% compared to couples close in age. Increased risks are often linked to differing life stages, values, and financial goals. 
www.genevafamilylaw.com
www.genevafamilylaw.com
 +3
Divorce Risk by Age Gap (Based on Study Findings)
1-Year Gap: ~3% higher risk
5-Year Gap: 18% higher risk
10-Year Gap: 39% higher risk
20-Year Gap: 95% higher risk
30-Year Gap: 172% higher risk 
www.genevafamilylaw.com
www.genevafamilylaw.com
 +3
Key Factors Contributing to Higher Risk
Differing Life Stages/Goals: Partners may differ on priorities like having children, career focus, or retirement planning.
[/quote]

I would like to see a study that controls for the presence of existing children.  I've seen age gap marriages work where neither had children.  It's the existence of older children and ex-wives who compete for time and resources that creates the most challenges.  A successful 47-year-old with no baggage has a much better chance of making a marriage to a 32-year-old work than a 47-year-old with three kids and an ex-wife - that guy has child support, COLLEGE, alimony, future grandchildren, etc.  Remove the baggage and he might be a catch if he's fit, successful, kind. [/quote]

Read please - it’s being on different stages of life what creates challenges not adult kids or ex wives. Child support is laughable in the US and most divorced dads who remarry are largely absent from their first families lives [/quote]

Adult kids and then grandkids mark different life stages.  If a 47-year-old and a 32-year-old have their first child together, they are in the new-parent life stage together.  But if the 47-year-old has a married kid and another kid in college when he starts a new family, then he's in a totally different life stage, and the 32-year-old will resent him for making her old before her time.   She'll resent that she's a new parent by herself, and she'll realize when he has a grandchild that he is freaking old! And then she'll leave.  Anecdotally, I've seen that happen. So I stand by my point that the existence of older kids and an ex-wife are more likely the cause of failed second marriages than an age gap.  [/quote]

You are very wrong. I was married to someone 11 years older. He resented me for looking ugly and old next to me; for me wanting to do things (he just wanted to stay back home work in the garden); for us having different energy levels and me wanting a different type of sex than what he could give. All his friends were older couples and he was very selfish in day to day life. And a very bad father to our only child. No kids from prior marriage and he was making a lot of money. 
I “grew out” the marriage and filed for divorce in my mid 40s when I got tired of walking eggshells. [/quote]

That's you.  I have a friend whose husband is 14 years older and is jacked up on testosterone and running a company.  He's definitely not lower energy.  Where you are probably universally right is with shared friends.  My friend and I hang out with other women our age, but my husband and I rarely hang out with my friend and her husband as a couple.  My husband doesn't click with him, and he'll go to a dinner or something that I plan, but not with much enthusiasm.  I think he has his friends and she has her friends, and they don't have many mutual friends.  I know she doesn't care for the wives of his friends, as we've talked a little about how they all have adult kids and are talking about weddings and even grandchildren, and she's like, " No, not my life, my kids are in elementary school.  This is an issue, and it's preferable to be in a marriage with shared friends, but I don't think it's the worst issue.  If you're 32-35 and still not married, many women, including smart, successful, and pretty women, will look past a 10 or even 15-year age gap if he's otherwise a great guy.  It's just biological clocks at work.  If he's not a great guy, no.  Women with resources will choose to have IVF and be a single mom by choice.  See Michelle Kwan - she just had her second baby as a single mom by choice. [/quote]

My dad and his wife are 15 years apart and his friends are nice to her but they are not really her friends and neither are their wives. And she doesn't really have her own friends nearby because she moved to his area and didn't make new friends of her own. So when he dies she'll just move back.

What's hard for her is being the youngest/healthiest person in the friend group. As his friends enter their 80s and their wives are generally late 70s, the vibe is oldness, illness, and constant health emergencies. It's no fun being everyone's go-to for favors when you're not even really genuine friends.[/quote]

Ya, that doesn't sound fun.  Maybe she should just cut her losses and move back now and enjoy her 60s with her friends who are her own age. [/quote]

I don't think she will, they're happy together and they travel often to the other location. But I do know she has zero intention of sticking around and the house is explicitly willed to my sibling group so that she doesn't have to deal with it. Smart move by her![/quote]

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