Reply to Why do so many people think it's okay to flake last minute?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]This is why I say no to most invitations- I know I won’t want to go once it’s actually time to go. But DCUMs  complain about that too - “she never accepts my invitations to go out.” You can’t win. [/quote]

Who complains about someone constantly turning them down? Most people stop inviting after 1 or 2 unaccepted invitations. The vast majority can read the writing on the wall.[/quote]
Yeah, I don't complain about that, I just stop inviting you, because I can take the hint that someone doesn't want to be friends.  [/quote]

Maybe. Or maybe they do want to be friends, but their other issues (e.g. social anxiety) take over.
[/quote]
Maybe.  But then it's on them to demonstrate interest in some way.  I'm not going to keep asking someone who always says no.  Why would I?[/quote]

Because you care about them? When my friend was going through an awful divorce she often wouldn’t attend things for various reasons but she said it meant so much that everyone continued to invite her. Just feeling like she hadn’t lost that group of friends while she was losing her husband (he cheated and surprised her with a divorce) really helped.

I’ve blacklisted a couple after six years of continued rudeness in bailing on events. The final straw was a catered sit-down dinner (I had previously only invited them to larger group things so their last-minute absence wasn’t a big thing). They’re no longer on my invite list even for larger events now. I have a lot of sympathy for people going through things but also sometimes people are just rude and once I figure out you are, I’m over it. [/quote]

It’s different when you cancel and say, “I so appreciate your invitation, but I’m not feeling like I can mingle today. The grief feels like a tidal wave. Thanks for your support and enjoy!”

But, most people don’t decline in that way. Even [b]DH complains that his friends will respond to an invitation saying, “Out of town that day.” Never a bummer, or thanks, or let’s try again. [/b][/quote]

Then maybe they don't like him that much? I have a few groups of girlfriends and we're all (separately) trying to plan some weekends away. It's been hard to find times that work for everyone but we keep trying. If someone just peaced out I'd take it as a sign that they didn't care about getting together. [/quote]

I think 80% would go to his funeral and say they missed him, so not sure about that. He likes to entertain and go out and is just the initiator. I am too, and I think we're both finally over it. People just don't want to hang out lately, for whatever reason. [/quote]

Because they aren't prioritizing spending time with you. I haven't had any problem getting my friends to hang out, whether for part of a day or for a long weekend trip. We're all busy, we all have stuff going on, but we make it work because we want to. [/quote]

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