Reply to How to Deal with an Angry Sibling re: Elderly Parents

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Op here

The fact is I have an abusive Mom and a historically angry brother who I distanced from (long before all these health problems became acute for my parents) bc of their behavior toward both me and my family.

As a result I stepped back years ago and they chose to  keep me further out.

So pardon me for needing a minute to navigate how the hell this is supposed to work. I thought I was doing the right thing by asking what would be helpful - how an arrangement would work. That was met with anger. Ok. I'm now being told to do something and I guess just figure it out bc he won't collaborate.

Ok so I guess I'll offer the best I can do and that's what it will be. I can go up the week he's away and propose me going up monthly for a week and see if that's do able.

That said I'm not available to be abused or mistreated. I will leave. There have to be some f-ing boundaries, but we are talking about people who have never had a healthy boundary in their.lives and have had zero care for me or my family for years.

[/quote]

OP that may be the case, but it also happens in families without the anger. Caregiving is hard.

What was your point in creating this thread? To many, it seems like you want validation that your family is horrible and you're continuing to be met with anger when you make suggestions from afar.

Can you think, for one minute, that it's not helpful to constantly ask "what needs to be done." Like a pp said, DCUMers complain about DHs who do this, so why would it be any different.

You probably need to sit in the discomfort that your decisions made people angrier and you're keeping the same pattern of dysfunction going by staying away and dictating your needs, without really listening. You haven't escaped the cycle, you're perpetrating it.

Not showing up doesn't solve for emotions. [/quote]

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