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Reply to "Step kid returns to nest - mixed feelings"

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP, I am a stepmom to a stepson who sounds similar to yours so I get it. He lived away at college for a couple years but now is commuting even tho we offered to pay for dorms. I think that was the wrong call, as I think he needs to learn how to be on their own and develop adulting skills, but it wasn't my call.

I think you and your husband need to make clear to him, now, while he is making decisions about which route to choose, that you have been treating him as a guest but that that is too much work to do for an entire year. Just tell him, "You are welcome to come home for one year, but just know that the dynamic will need to be different because we have been treating you as a guest and since you will be here for a whole year, you will need to act as a household member instead. That means cleaning up after yourself - no dishes in room or left unwashed - doing your own laundry, keeping all your stuff in your room, washing sheets and towels at least twice a month, cleaning up after dinner, running the vacuum, etc. Also, you will need to always park in the street. And we need a copy of your car keys. Additionally, if you are dating someone, you cannot have that person in your bedroom. If you want to spend the night with them, you will have to do so at their place." If your DH won't get on board, just send that text or have that convo yourself.

[b]Here's how I deal with the fact my DH will not hold his sons to higher standards: I make HIM do everything for them. If he doesn't want to make them take public transport, or clean up after themselves, or do their own laundry, fine. But HE is the chauffeur, laundry guy, and dish washer. Not me. And I'd be waking DH's ass up at 3am and saying, "You get out there and move that car." Or the second DSS parks behind you, you hand the keys to DH and say, "Move the car."[/b]

Also, I think your family would be better off not having him live there, honestly. If there is a way you can make that happen without causing waves, I'd steer the situation that way.[/quote]

Love it![/quote]

+100

Make it DH's problem then he may start to care.

If that doesn't work you could start imposing a "fine". Say $100 for each instance the car is blocking you in (whether you have an emergency or not) payable by the end of the day.  It has to be an amount that will actually mean something to the stepson. You just need to make sure to him and DH about the fine before hand.  I've known parents that have used this approach for their bio kids on other issues.[/quote]

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