Reply to DD 15 just won’t listen to reason!

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]We go to church every Sunday. As a family. Non-negotiable, sorry. That’s how it’s always been. When my DD 15 moves out of the house she can skip church if she’d like, she can join a monastery for all I care, but right now she lives with us and every Sunday you better believe she will be at church with us. End of discussion!

But she won’t listen to reason. She’s insisting that she’s an “atheist” and that somehow means she should be exempt from the family rule. Not how it works! She says that church makes her uncomfortable and has said that she has issues with “religion being homophobic.” Well our church isn’t, the minister’s daughter is married to a woman! But I can’t persuade her. It’s always a fight, every single week, and I’m just exhausted. How do I make my daughter understand why this is required?[/quote]

This is a tough one OP. We've had a similar rule and age 14-15 is where we've run into problems.

Does she have friends at church? Is there a youth group or Sunday school class for teens? This helps a lot. I've agreed to let mine skip church services if they go to Youth group, sunday school or something else instead.

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Does her dad attend church with the family?

Supposedly, Dad in the home attending church regularly is the strongest indicator of whether teens, boys and girls both, attend church.

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An argument that got all my kids through that tern hump was that I posed this 2 part question to them, followed by my answer after they gave their answer.

The first question was, what happens if atheism is correct, and you still participate in our family's faith traditions without a fight?  I let them answer, then say that if atheism is correct, you don't lose anything by attending.  What you receive is a nice weekly tradition of a couple of hours spending time with our family, some really nice holiday traditions, a moral code that is just, kind, and reasonable, and a stronger grasp than most of your peers of world history, modern western law, and current events, through your understanding of Christianity and the Bible.

After they have a second to digest that, I then ask the second half of the question which is what if the atheists are wrong and I am correct?  For this question, I don't say anything else and let them stew on it.  4 kids and that question tends to move them to silence, with wheels turning in their brains.

That combination of questions makes them stop and think in a way that transcends tiktok, social media, and their peers.

4/4 and after those 2 questions, I have never again gotten pushback from my teens about attending church with the family.
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I'm sorry but this is just simple and no opinionated strong-willed kid would fall for it. Either your kids love you enough to be placid or just don't want to bother with the fight but zero change you GOT EM with your sassy witty approach here.

OP, let it go. Your daughter has her own opinions. She is entitled to separate from religion. If your goal is for her to return, tell her you trut she will if the time is right. Maybe she will. But force it? She'll be gone for good.

How is she academically? I ask because my kids are hard changing academically and extracurricularly and play sports.  If they had church every Sunday as a non-negotiable, they would not be able to do the things they do, and that would have hurt them in their achievements, cost opportunities, and affected their college choices. If I'd stood in the way of that for a belief they did not share, they would have (rightfully) held it against me forever. Is is possible she has other ambitions and priorities? [/quote]

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