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[quote=Anonymous]AA girls fair better in majority white environments because they adjust better.  I don't think they assimilate.  They realize when they look in the mirror they will never be blond, have blue eyes, or sit on their hair.  As they get older they begin to recognize and appreciate the things that make them special and develop resiliance.

AA boys are generally more sensitive.  Thus, they expect to be treated fairly and are more likely to speak out because of this expectation.  If they are hit; they will hit back.  If they are pushed; they will push back.  If you keep taking their pencils so they can't get their class work finished (white girls) they will get frustrated and act out.  In our experience, some white boys learn a skill early on how to appear innocent while they are misbehaving.  AA boys generally do not act in secret.  My son and I have had many conversations about why he can not retaliate when someone does something to him; he will be the one that gets noticed.  He is always to report to the teacher who generally does nothing.

I am a native AA Washingtonian who attended a highly regarded independent school.  Because of my experiences and the experiences of almost all of my AA classmates and friends; I chose not to enroll my son in one even though he was offered a full ride (based on multiple other factors - not FA).  I instead paid MoCo to send him to one of the a good MoCo public schools (it helps that I don't think much of any of the independent's lower school academics.)  Although we have had issues such as the ones described above; I feel it is the best situation because public school allows him to develop his identity and I hope he feels less pressure to assimilate at a later age.  Accommodation is more along the lines of what I am seeking.  I plan to apply to the Independents no earlier than 7th grade; would love to do 9th as this is where I have more respect for the academics.

I like public school because he has the opportunity to continuously improve his behavior every year without developing a school reputation. In his majority white public school, his teachers have been well meaning; however, he is held to a different standard.  He is handsome, bright and personable.  Because of this I find white female teachers want to mold him into their perfect ideal.  He has never been disciplined but I receive notes for example if he doesn't line up fast enough ("I had to call him twice to get in line").  While this may have been annoying to her; I doubt other parents are receiving this type of note.  It is also very disheartening to him when the teacher yells at the class all day for talking and then he talks out of turn for the first time at 3:10 and he gets in trouble.  This stuff actually affects him personally because he tries so hard to be good.  We have had to adopt the "what is our agenda; don't let people get you off the yellow brick road; need to understand that the teacher has a large class, etc" approach. Yet he never gets compliments for his strengths (Sir/M'am - politeness - honesty - hard work.)  His current teacher even told him that he was doing to much homework when she reduced it because of other parental complaints and we told him that he had to continue to do it.

The only AA girl I know who developed serious issues (nervous breakdown Senior year) was the daughter of an athlete, extremely pretty, very personable, with a fabulous singing voice.  She could not handle the discrimination - no AA ever picked for cheerleading team, AAs not accepted in the white cliques, never got picked for anything other than chorus even though her voice was pure beauty.  We never understood why she was always complaining - it was par for the course for us.

Almost every bright AA male I know that attended Sidwell from K -12 either developed mental health issues, became an underachiever or is still finding themselves.  The boys try really hard to fit in rather than adopting a "I don't care; I'm going to get my education in spite of you" attitude.  When they don't fit in they more often act out leading to discipline issues or they become someone that you don't want you DS to be.  I'm not talking about talking or acting white.  You generally won't pick up on this until they are in college or later.  By then they have molded their identity and it is too late. Think Clarence Thomas as an outspoken example.

I don't think DC has changed that much.  Native white Washingtonians don't realize that there are many white/Asian non Washingtonians that keep moving here with all their prejudices.  It only takes one negative child to affect the class dynamics when your child is in a substantially white class.  The Eastern European immigrants are particularly negative.  But people bring their prejudices from other states.  Look at some of the comments on this thread for example that came from out of the sky.  Newsflash -  the drugs in independent schools generally come from students in Potomac as are the wild parties.  It's not because of the kid's race - in DC the neighbors call the Police.[/quote]

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