Reply to Is it wrong to subsidize lower earning children?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I have an almost 18 yr old and 21 yr old.   18 yr old is female; 21 yr old is male.

We spend waaay more on the 18 yr old for everything - college (about to start), clothing, medical, toiletries.

21 yr old picked a lucrative field and will probably be making $200K their first job.

18 yr old picked a field that will make at most $60K their first job.

DC1 saved us a ton of money by deciding to go in state, whereas the younger one has decided to go oos.

I asked my DC1 if they felt cheated because we are/will be spending so much more money on their sibling, and they said no, that they know that they are luckier than their sibling.   They are very good at STEM and academics has always come easy for them, whereas the younger sibling has some reading issues and isn't as academically gifted.  Of course, part of the reason we do spend more on DC#2 is due to this reading issue, which is not DC's fault,  but DC didn't have to choose oos (and it's pretty pricey).

Because of this, we bought our oldest something very expensive for xmas even though they could afford it (they made a lot from their internship last year).  We normally don't buy very expensive presents.  DC#2 is aware that we bought this for them.

My parents treated my older sibling and I differently.  Older one got more than I did.  When I started to make more than them, my parents expected more from me.  That did not sit well with me.  My mother particularly expected more from me because "I was more able" than the older sibling.  Well, that was due in part because my mother babied my older sibling (the only boy) even though I am the youngest.

I am very cognizant of how we treat our kids in terms of equity.  Funny enough, DC#1 said to me in that conversation that "equity is not the same as equality".

We are planning to give cash to DC#1 because of how much money they saved us.  DC#2 knows that by choosing the oos, they will get nothing from us after graduation.  We've also talked extensively to DC#2 what it will mean after graduation if they pick a field that will never pay very much, that they will probably struggle financially.  They know we won't be bailing them out.

I can understand why OP wanted to pay for the less earning children to attend the family reunion, but Op should've had the discussion about equity/equality with their older DC a long time ago.[/quote]

You cannot/shouldn't compare "spending more" on your kids to include therapies and help for academic issues.

However, any kid can choose any major if they really want to (Yes I get some are smarter than others---my oldest is smart, but not "Super smart", the youngest is wickedly smart---majoring in one of the most challenging engineering fields and loves the challenge and subject matter and problem solving.  The younger will likely make a lot more than the older.  But older went to a good school (Top 100), graduated in 4 years (after changing majors), found a great job with an excellent company and is doing very well 4 years out of college.  They are smart in different ways and live within their means (and quite frankly making $90K in a MCOLA 4 years out of college is doing quite well for a non-stem major).

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