Reply to Is there any expectation on a family member who stays “postpartum”?

Forum Index » Family Relationships

Reply to "Is there any expectation on a family member who stays “postpartum”? "

Subject:

Emoticons





More smilies

Text Color: Font: Close Marks

[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Super rude. I remember my MIL doing this after my first was born. She sat on the couch and snuggled the baby while I did housework and even announced “I just want to sit here and snuggle my grandchild!” as I worked. I learned my lesson about being passive and told my DH she wasn’t welcome after our second was born unless she wanted to come and clean and cook all week [b]with no expectations to hold the baby[/b].

She learned her lesson too I guess and showed up and cleaned all week and brought me snacks and didn’t ask to hold the baby. [/quote]

It's one thing to ask for help cooking and cleaning, but this is just b-wordy...[/quote]

Nope. I said, she isn't coming this year.  I cited all the reasons- the taking the baby from my arms when she came into the hospital room and not giving her back when I asked (and I had just had a C section and couldn't get up to physically take her back).  The insisting on coming in to visit every day and not leaving when I asked her to because I needed to try to shower or poop or just wanted to sleep (again, it wasn't easy to physically remove her from the hospital room, I was recovering).  The staying at our house for a week- which I had been fine with when she offered it!  Extra hands!  Loving grandma!- and not even doing the bare minimum such as ordering food or emptying the dishwasher once or twice.  She came into my bedroom without knocking and would take the baby out of the basinet and tell me "I'll bring her back later!  I want my grandma snuggles!" and then ignore my texts to bring her back , making me get up (again- C section recovery) to go find her out on the back deck or wherever she was, to find my own F-ing brand new baby because my boobs were leaking.  And of course watching TV, holding my baby, and telling me "I know I'm supposed to help cook and clean but I really just prefer to hold my granddaughter".   My husband witnessed some of this but not all of it, and he was adjusting to being a dad too, so it wasn't easy for him to stand up to his mom so unexpectedly.  I had no warning she'd be like this.  It was partially PPD/PPA but it truly felt on a visceral level that she was trying to take my child.  Especially when she'd come in and take her out of the basinet while I was napping and then not respond when I called her to see where my baby was (that only happened once thankfully because I started screaming when I couldn't find my daughter in her basinet).

My husband had sort of blacked a lot of it out I guess but I reminded him of it and he called her and told her she couldn't come.  Apparently she begged for weeks (I stayed totally out of it, he fielded every single call) and the compromise was, she could come and see the baby but she couldn't touch her because I was still panicked about how she used to take the baby from me all the time last time.  I don't regret it at all.  She's not more important in the situation here, I'm more important after the birth of my child.

[/quote]

Still a B move from you.[/quote]

It's really interesting to see a post like that and see you, presumably also mother, say it's a "B move" to not invite this MIL back for the next child's birth.  On the same thread as mothers saying "just don't allow anyone to visit if you don't want them to visit! Grow a spine!"

It's almost like new mothers can never win.  They're either a doormat or a B. What they aren't, apparently, is a cherished member of the family whose needs in the aftermath of birth matter or mean anything. [/quote]

Options

	Disable HTML in this message
	Disable BB Code in this message
	Disable smilies in this message

Review message

Search Recent Topics Hottest Topics