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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Hello, i’ve gone through all the things you all have said to me. I’ve tried doing all of them, but things have only gotten worse. DD has tried making new friends, but her fake ones always look at her, laugh at her, and during class literally bully her, shove her out of the way, and tell her to “shut up.” Something that really breaks me is my DD has started doing self-harm (scratching herself until she bleeds) and is really stressed about her relationships along with grades as she’s been getting 60-70 on her tests recently. She has no motivation, and stays in her room all day no matter how hard we try making things fun or getting her out of her room. Is it time to email the counselor? Would that make things worse or better?[/quote]

I am so sorry your DD is having to deal with this. Our DD had the same issue and the same response. Therapy and counseling worked to help them navigate a really awful situation. In our case it was not a one-off group of mean girls, over the years, multiple situations occurred where people were difficult and exhibited this kind of exclusive behavior. Tweens and teens need advice on how to deal with this over the long term not just middle school. Therapy and counseling support is important so they do not internalize it and think something is wrong with them -- which it is not. It is also good to find therapists and counselors who specialize in helping with tween and teen issues and self harm. I will also add that I am perplexed by how we are in a society where many people seem to feel the "mean girl" behavior cannot be stopped -- i.e. the meanness itself cannot be addressed -- and the kids being bullied have to find their own solutions. It sets a low bar for all of us in terms of what we expect as socially acceptable behavior. I see this as a wide spread problem, and it makes me sad that we are not able to stop it where it starts, rather than constantly running crisis management for the kids who are being picked on. A spark of light I can share is that the kids who are picked on, if they get help navigating it and standing up for themselves, they become tougher and more confident in the long run, as THEY become capable of finding the solutions WITHIN themselves--queen bees can only feel good about themselves if the behavior of others is being manipulated to make them look good. UGH.[/quote]

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