Reply to Isolated moms, why not get support?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]How do these things work for teens? Therapists don’t just tell kids to be friendlier. Nor do they call the principal and ask the principal to change the school culture. Instead, they ask teens to reflect on their actions or words and consider how they might have been perceived by others. They help them explore assumptions about what others might be thinking and provide insights into group dynamics.

Many angry responses seem to carry the assumption that therapy is something negative or something for people who are being judged. That's not the case. Therapy is for everyone, and people can go for any reason.[/quote]

I don’t think that therapy is negative.  And sure, a therapist can help someone who struggles socially or with relationships in a variety of contexts.  You can work on anxiety or empathy. 
But a therapist can’t really do anything for someone who generally doesn’t have trouble fitting in, but is struggling in this one particular situation.  
[/quote]

In addition to anxiety and empathy, therapy provides a safe structured space for addressing low self-esteem, past negative experiences, building self-awareness, addressing maladaptive knee jerk reactions, or addressing lack of practice. The last one seems to be the biggest low-hanging fruit.[/quote]

I think therapy can be great.

I also think this woman could already be in therapy, may not have issues with self esteem or self awareness, and have no major social skills deficits.

It's clear from OP's posts that she and other parents at the school have not been welcoming, and that the OP lacks social skills. There's no evidence this woman is in need of therapy -- she hasn't done anything that sends up a red flag. She seems fine. OP is sending up red flags left and right.[/quote]

New parent events, introductions, and small talk are welcoming. If many people are able to take advantage of this in order to form connections, but one is not, that one person may have not want the connections (per example above).

However, sometimes, when people complain about not having a welcoming community, that person might be asking for is emotional validation and a safe place to be vulnerable. That’s what a therapist is for. That service goes beyond what a “welcoming community” can provide.[/quote]

Right but it doesn't sound like there have been new parent events, introductions, or small talk. The event OP mentioned was not for new parents -- it was just a parent event and it sounds like it was mostly people who were established families talking to each other, and the new mom struggled to find a way into conversations with them.

Also, the mom didn't complain about the community being unwelcoming. What OP said is that the woman said her child had been having trouble making friends, and that part of the issue is that other kids have established friendships and it's hard to break in. This is extremely common for kids entering a school in a later grade. The mom wasn't talking about her own experience, but that of her child. I will also note that it's November. This would be a very normal state for the family to be in after two months at the school. It can take a year or more for new kids to really settle into a school.

There's no indication from OP's comments that this is a school where most families integrate easily and this one family is an outlier. Rather, it sounds like OP is observing extremely normal challenges of a family moving to a new school in a middle grade, and is extrapolating that there must be something wrong with the family. It is OP's attitude, and not what she describes with this other family, that is leading people to conclude the school sounds unwelcoming. OP sounds judgmental and unwelcoming, and since she's a room mom, this likely reflects the community. The other mom sounds normal. [/quote]

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