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[quote=Anonymous]OP, do not do to your children what my parents did to me and my siblings.  They were together for 30 years when my dad cheated and moved out.  Mom raged for YEARS.  She told us everything, bad mouthed my dad, I think lied about some things to make them sound even worse to garner sympathy and has never been able to be in the same room with him since without peppering whatever she has to say with put downs and barbs directed at him.  As a result every family gathering since their separation has been filled with tension and often some issue. for years I was stuck on the phone with her as she would rage and complain for hours.  I should have put up some boundaries I know but I was worried about her and sad for her and & wasn’t in therapy and didn’t know how to manage it.  My dad obv behaved terribly in this whole sorry saga too and he was a coward.  This has eaten up the last 15 years of our family’s life.  My mom also stalked the AP, hired a PI, and then spilled all of the details to me and my siblings.  We have suffered tremendously as a result and I don’t think we will ever be the same.  We thought we had a happy home growing up.  I always say that I don’t fault them for separating.  We were adults by the time they did and life happens, people grow apart.  But the way they separated and how me and my siblings became collateral damage is something I will never completely recover from although I have accepted it.  Be the bigger person.  Tell your kids why their dad left and then leave it at that.  They can decide what kind of relationship they want to have with him.  If you love your kids more than you hate their father and what has happened to you, you will do the right thing.[/quote]

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