Reply to Husband annoyed at taking his injured daughter to urgent care

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Why does every DH have to be the main parent. You're the main parent, OP. Just do the parenting and let him do the 1billion other things that also have to get done to run a family.[/quote]

I know people are bristling at this.  But honestly, as a strategy it worked really well in my family.  I did nothing but kid stuff and my spouse did everything else except that spouse did childcare drop off and pick up because my commute was longer.  We had very little conflict because we each did our part to make the family work.  And we were both pretty happy about it.  I can't remember the last time I did yard work (besides my garden), took the car for service or an oil change, found a plumber, washed a car, cleaned my house and whatever other billion things it takes to keep a house running successfully.  Even though my kids are grown, I still don't do these things.  My spouse wasn't a bad parent, but wasn't a good caretaker until they got a lot older.  The difference between me and OP is that I could count on my spouse in emergencies.  [/quote]

My mom was a SAHM and was such a martyr about it. Now that she’s gone my long suffering dad has had a few things to say about it. My mom acted like she did everything and he did nothing because she wanted all the credit and sympathy. But he did the yard work or found and paid the people to do it, paid all the bills, did the taxes, worked out all the insurance, performed maintenance around the house or found the people to make repairs, and all the unseen work beyond child care. What does OPs division of labor really look like? Was she renewing the car registration while he was at urgent care?[/quote]

What does this even mean, DD doesn't get to go to the hospital with headache because dad does the taxes? Dad should have stayed home and breastfed toddler?[/quote]

DD can go with mom to the hospital. She just didn’t feel like it because nursing a toddler is the easier option.[/quote]

Leave it to DCUM to demand a mom take a child having a medical emergency and a toddler past their bedtime to the hospital (so 2 upset, young children) so DH can get his beauty rest.[/quote]

I didn’t say take both kids. Leave DH home with the *toddler” to do bedtime.[/quote]

If you bothered to read - you would have read that the toddler is still nursing at night and OP thought her DH would have trouble getting him to sleep. This ultimately is not about who does what, but that in an emergency, the DH reacted with aggression instead of trying to solve the problem. [/quote]

So? It’s time to wean the toddler establish better night time habits. In case of emergencies. [/quote]

And also DH should stop being an abusive a-hole but I guess both of these things are equally important.[/quote]

Op can only control OP. Every poster that says DH should do better is not contributing to a solution. Of course he should, but if he was controllable or knew how, he already would have.[/quote]

Do you have any actual life experience with this? I do. Sometimes, angry abusive men who have struggled to stay calm while parenting young children can get better if they are made to realize their behavior is abusive. The first step is not divorce. The steps are:

1. Talk to DH and be very frank about his behavior and the impact on the children and you

2. If he isn't immediately receptive to that, talk to a therapist for advice for talking to DH/protecting yourself and children

3. Talk to an attorney about legal options, which may include divorce but we all know that's not an ideal solution, it's a last resort when all else fails because it (1) either leaves kids without a dad or with tons of unsupervised time with an abuser and (2) will have serious financial implications for OP which will of course also impact the children.

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