Reply to fighting w/SO--is this normal or ok?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Lol. 
"Youre so fragile"
"I can't have an argument without bursting into flames and yelling profanities and insults"

Right right. Makes total sense. [/quote]

DP.  99/100 times I disagree with my husband about something we resolve it easily.  
1/100 times we have a disagreement it ends up as a fight and we yell.

I’m not scared of being mad or having my spouse get mad at me, and I don’t consider myself a victim or a perpetrator of abuse because of it.

[/quote]
There is a difference between being/getting mad, and swearing at your partner and calling them names. Everyone gets mad at some point. How you deal with it is what matters. Insulting your spouse in anger is not a healthy way of resolving it.

"Insulting your spouse in anger is a form of verbal abuse, which can significantly damage a relationship. It erodes trust, harms self-esteem, and can lead to resentment and isolation. While anger is a normal emotion, it's crucial to manage it constructively and avoid using insults as a weapon."[/quote]

I guess what gets to me here is that it erases context.  
A few weeks ago, my husband woke me up from sleeping because the dishes weren’t done when he got home from working late.  I was mad.  I called him a name.  I didn’t talk to him other than logistics, kiss him, or touch him until he apologized the next day.  
According to DCUM, I’m abusive for insulting him and giving him the silent treatment.  But I don’t think was abusive or terrifying here.

I don’t know what’s going on with the OP.  He gave us no context.  But I can imagine circumstances where this definitely isn’t abuse.  I can even imagine circumstances, like financial abuse, where the abuser is the one who ends up getting called names.   You just can’t make a blanket statement.

I often think that if the OP is leaving out context it is because the context would make him look bad.  
[/quote]

I'm sorry, what did you just say? Your husband WOKE YOU UP because the dishes weren't done? Are you for real? Never mind the rest of your story. That is disgusting behavior. I sincerely hope you do not have children. [/quote]
Pretty sure they do. They said they try not to have these blow out fights in front of the kids.[/quote]

Huh? I think that was me who said my partner and I don’t fight in front of the kids. But I’d hardly call that a ‘blow out fight!’  Some of you are so precious and clearly come from highly sensitive or abusive backgrounds.

My best friend is a clinical social worker and she says she finds her patients who are hyper hyper sensitive about everything often have childhood abuse that was ignored. Nothing feels safe and so they catastrophize things.
[/quote]
Right, sure, good to back pedal now. I’m sure your best friend totally supports your abusive relationship, do you give each other high 5s when you talk about how much you degrade your partners in anger?

No one is being hyper sensitive by saying we don’t want to support abusive relationships. You give very bad and dangerous advice. But as an abuser yourself it makes sense.[/quote]

My best friend has seen it all :) and no, she doesn’t think calling someone a prick is great, but she also doesn’t consider that abusive without other words/behaviors. She says that partners have very different conflict and conflict resolution styles. Not surprising.

Personally I think you probably have a personality disorder judging by your aggressive behaviors and insistence that you should tell others how to behave, but that’s your issue, not mine :) [/quote]
Are you sure it's your "best friend"? You seem so comfortable diagnosing random folk on the internet, sounds like your "best friend" is more imaginary than real. [/quote]

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