Reply to Social Media to Blame for Estrangement?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I think the cutting off is used to liberally. For abuse, sure, no argument from me, but there is a thread in the Family forum about stopping going to visit grandparents because they are boring.

My mother grates on my nerves. She repeats stories and gets fixated on inconsequential things, but she's in her 80s for goodness sake. I called that woman every day for years when I had babies and small children. She was my lifeline when I needed support, had moved to a new city, and was lonely. If I'm totally honest, talking to her doesn't "bring me joy" at this point, but how horrible would it be of me to stop that effort because I find it tedious because the poor woman is old. Very horrible. [/quote]

Exactly! I feel the same way. My mom definitely gets on my nerves, particularly when she treats me like I'm still 5 from time to time. I also have some very bad memories with her from my childhood. Still, she is my mother. I know that she genuinely loves me. If I got hurt or was in trouble, she would be there for me. If I died, I know that she would be devastated. I know that she tried her best with what she knew and what she thought was the best. I choose to forgive her, rather than discard her. Also, as most us know, forgiving is not the same as forgetting.[/quote]

Hey, that’s awesome that your mom genuinely loves you and is there for you if/when you are hurt or in trouble. That is how it should be.

My mom doesn’t have unconditional love for me. Some people think this is simply not possible - that all parents unconditionally love their kids, even if it’s “in their own way” - but it’s not actually true unfortunately. When I’m hurt or in trouble, she tells me that I deserve it, and takes every opportunity to kick me when I’m down. This taught me to do everything possible to hide my life from her to save myself from this abuse when I was already at my weakest. She doesn’t have my back. She doesn’t wish the best for me. It’s bewildering and painful.

We’re now estranged because I had no other choice in order to save myself. I’d love to have garden variety family dysfunction with love and support underneath it all when it really matters. [/quote]
My father finally acknowledged when I was in highschool that he didn't love me and never wanted me. My mom admitted she couldn't leave me with him as an infant because he'd put me in my crib, shut the door and let me scream.  He wouldn't care for me.   We was the bread earner in the family, but he never provided any other care for me.  He also always resented any money spent on me and didn't ever want a relationship with me.  It was actually a huge release to know it wasn't me--he rejected me as his kid before he'd even tried.  It wasn't something I'd done or a problem with who I was.  It wasn't because I wasn't smart enough or kind enough or athletic enough.

Now he's happy to claim my successes.  He likes that I got impressive degrees.  He likes that he can claim my kids as his grandkids.  But not because he actually wants a relationship with me, but just to keep up with his peers.

So yeah, we're mostly estranged.  He resents that I'm his child and he had to spend his money on me.  I don't feel a need to seek out a relationship he never wanted.  [/quote]

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