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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I got into one, it never got sexual but that didn’t matter. If there a blood test to determine if one were in love I would have been off the charts. It felt incredible to have someone be interested in me and discovering new things about this stranger and where we overlapped was seriously intoxicating.  It’s been over for years but she was every other thought for a really long time. Emotional affairs are mostly projection, my friend and I had no shared experiences, we didn’t do anything together, we didn’t build anything besides a 10 mile long string of text messages. 
The whole thing was incredibly destructive but I wouldn’t trade it  
The longer your husband‘s emotional affair goes on the harder it will be for him to come back to earth, after a long marriage we are pretty much powerless against new love chemicals, I look back on my behavior and I don’t even recognize myself. I also hurt my friend in the process, she did not deserve it, I have no idea where our friendship would have gone but my actions are something I truly regret.

I was honest with my wife and told her I had developed feelings for someone, it hurt her deeply but looking back she says it was more of a shock than an actual injury. During my emotional affair my marriage improved, we were having more fun and things were looking up.

A lot of the damage was from assumptions and her own retaliatory affair, I rocked her, she didn’t feel safe and I provided no good chemicals.

What I wish would have happened:
My wife understanding that feelings can develop out of nowhere but assuming good intentions when I said I wanted to rebuild our marriage. 
Let her anger all out instead of a constant simmer that lasted for years all while she was conducting her own affair. 
Have a number of scheduled frank debriefings, drain all the mystery out, get the answers to your questions but be careful what you ask for you don’t want mind movies.  
After the debriefing stage call a detente to for a month or two or three and just go about your lives, he will need time to process his heartache and will be in no position to rebuild.
After you think enough time has passed look into any number of marriage courses like Gottman or marriage helpers etc., they cost money but they are worth it.  
I cannot really recommend marriage counseling, you spend the week in the corner and come out swinging for 50 minutes once a week and you never really get anywhere.

ask for honesty and assume good intentions,Good luck.

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This is a very thoughtful and honest post. I wish all posters on this thread and other marriage threads on DCUM were like you. There is so much nasty and bad advice on here.

Op, listen to this post. Ignore most of the others. [/quote]

This is a new situation.  And not sure what is meant by a Three month break [/quote]

Take a break more in the cooling off sense not moving out or separating bedrooms. Like it or not abruptly cutting off contact with someone important to you will cause some heartache and someone in that condition is going to be pretty much worthless when it comes to doing Gottman intimacy exercises.

Debrief, drain the mystery, ask for a decision (end the marriage or rebuild) then go about your lives.  Agree that you will both do some independent research on classes, books or whatever sounds interesting to reestablish your marriage and agree to meet up to discuss what you’ve learned in a month. 
In the beginning things get heated and it’s really counterproductive so cooling off in your own corner will lend some clarity to the situation.

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