Reply to Should grandma go to birthday party or visit with newborn?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I have good relationships with my grown kids, my parents, and my sibling.

In a family populated by mature adults who how to get along and where parents don't (or aren't perceived to) play favorites and no one is seething with resentment or looking for opportunities to be offended, mom goes to visit the child who just had a baby. The birthday party goes on without her, and she visits the birthday child at the next possible opportunity. The young birthday child takes no offense because it is explained in a no-big-deal way, and even exciting because when grandma comes, there will be a second celebration. Parent of birthday kid takes no offense because a newborn and her parents take precedent over the birthday party of a young child, unless there is reason to think, God forbid, that the young child won't have another birthday. [/quote]

This is of course the correct answer but doesn’t seem to be possible in this family. [/quote]

I honestly don’t understand why this is the answer. Visiting the next day is fine. [/quote]

First, because she likely will have gone home the next day. OP says this is a normal birth. Basically a next-day visit is a hospital visit, after that it’s a home visit. These are different things. Second, it’s quite normal to want to see your own mother who birthed you after you give birth, as soon as possible. It is very, very narcissistic and weird to expect to elevate a child’s birthday party over that. There is simply no rational world where a young child’s birthday party should be expected to take precedence over seeing, visiting, and taking care of a new mother and her newborn.

It should be as simple as “Your cousin was born, so Grandma can’t come to your party. She needs to care for your aunt and your new cousin. Hurray, you have a new cousin!” But this family seems incapable of mature interactions across the board. [/quote]

grandma doesn't need to care for the mom. The mom has other children and a perfectly capable husband and since mom and baby are healthy they will likely already be at home.[/quote]

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