Reply to Do you think it's okay to criticize the behavior of a kid who is not yours?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]It’s so insane to even be venting about someone else’s kid to another parent, let alone calling the kid an a**hole.[/quote]

This. I have a friend who does this and it is really weird. But they have a negative take on many people and get really, really easily offended. I just ignore it and assume that the kid is totally normal. [/quote]

OP wasn't venting about this kid in the abstract.  She was venting about how this kid is treating her DD.  Do keep up![/quote]

But she is exaggerating, focusing on the negative, and sounds like she’s encouraging her own child to take any interpersonal difficulty as a major slight.

It’s called black & white thinking or splitting, and it’s uncomfortable to hear from anyone - much less an adult talking about a *child.* I wouldn’t want to be around a person like that.

Moreover, if you savage a child to another adult, then you need to be prepared for people to judge you. You are perfectly free to vent but when you vent about a literally child and call them names - yeah, you are going to get responses to that.

It’s one thing to talk about actual bullying behavior (which OP did not describe) and quite another to appear negatively fixated on what sounds like relatively normal ranges of behavior. [/quote]

This is a weird take (the "exaggerating" and "black and white" thinking, etc.) on the OP.  The OP refreshingly and candidly acknowledged that the girl wasn't bullying.  (I say refreshingly bc I feel like I'm surrounded by unhinged black-and-white-thinking parents who label every slight on their child "bullying" and lodge complaints to the school.)  Her description of what is happening was thoughtful, IMO.

And what OP describes is not "relatively normal" for a 4th grader.  Are you not particularly involved at your kids' school or activities?  Do you not have opportunities to see groups of ten year olds hang out and interact?  They say and do mean and and unkind things, they hurt feelings, they brag -- of course.  But a 10 yr old who is incessantly and consistently mean and taunting to any and everyone and seems to get her jollies from the negative responses it provokes is not the norm at this age at all.  There is usually one or two kids like this per grade -- and they majorly stick out at this age!  And perfectly nice and normal parents do talk about them bc it is negatively affecting their own kids -- not to gossip.

I hope OP is giving her DD tools to try not to be affected by this girl.  But her DD is a "literal child", and dealing with folks like this is hard even for adults.  So kindly forgive her "literal child" for having days where she comes home sad or demoralized.  
[/quote]

again - it is very weird for a parent to develop a narrative that another child is “constantly taunting” etc based on the reports of another child. Most kids are more resilient than to come home defeated because another child bragged. It’s OK that OP’s child is not - but the weird part is OP’s weaving of a narrative around it and not getting how it sounds to others. [/quote]

Oh stop!  It's not weird to believe your own 10-yr old child. 
   [/quote]

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