Reply to Why do we tolerate trash talking and elitism as "boys will be boys" behavior?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]People are missing the "elitism" part of OP's comment.

This isn't about close friends ribbing each other because of that time one of them mispronounced "great" as "grafe" and then it winds up becoming an inside joke that is, yes, at your friend's expense but is really more about remembering how hard that made you all laugh when it happened.

This is about kids who say stuff to other kids like "whatever, you don't even have a PS5, you're lame." Or "haha Theo is slow, so glad we can do travel soccer now and don't have to play with him." Or "your parents are broke, those shoes look like you got them out of a garbage bin." None of this is friendly roasting. It's just rude, unkind, arrogant, elitist behavior. It [I]is[/I] immaturity, but it's the kind that you have to intervene on early and often to curb them of this impulse to put others down in order to build themselves up.

It's fine for kids to make jokes and yes, sometimes they will make a joke thinking it's fine and instead they'll try to make a "grafe" style joke and instead their friend will cry because they are kids and that kid might not have realized we're all laughing together on this. That's normal.

But it is not normal and should not be acceptable for kids to put down other kids for their intelligence, looks, weight, SES level, or athletic ability. Anymore than it would be acceptable to make fun of a kid for their skin color. It's just a hard no. If your kid is making fun of a classmate for being fat or slow or dumb, your kid is being a jerk and you need to intervene and set them straight. Not send them to comedy school.[/quote]

This +1

There’s a major difference between being a jerk who puts down others to make themself feel better, and friends who take jabs at each other. To an outside observer who happens to overhear— they might *seem* the same—but it’s really not.

But also kids can and do go a bit too far and hurt someone’s feelings unintentionally.

That’s where Larlo needs to stand up for himself and say something like “hey, that’s not cool bro. Can you not make a joke like that?” Even after the fact in a one on one conversation if the joke was initially in a group setting. Not sit there and ruminate after laughing it off—no body is a mind reader.

And then the kid who said the hurtful joke needs to apologize,, make clear they didn’t mean to offend, and then make a mental note that “Making a joke about Larlo and ‘____’ is off limits”. Not get defensive and play it off as “wow Larlo, you can’t take a joke. Get over it dude.”

These are good social skills that some kids might need to be taught and/or reminded of if they aren’t super socially savvy.

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