Reply to People who loved their partners/spouses but cheated anyway

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote] The cause of our divorce was not my affair - never discovered - but my husband coming to terms with feeling trans. So. Accept that there are experiences outside of your own[/quote]

So you have absolved yourself of all responsibility fitted failure of your marriage, despite the fact that you cheated and married your AP. How convenient for you that he provided cover for your betrayal. What about your AP’s marriage? And btw - everything you have written is a passive story, like you both lived your spouses and didn’t want to blow up your marriages but sometimes that just happens to you. Gross.[/quote]

Gah you people. You just think that cheating is the bane of humanity. Get a grip. I’m not a cheater but it’s seriously not the end of the world like some of you make it out to be. Unless your entire identity is wrapped up in your spouse. [/quote]

I argued this way, until it happened to me.

I’m actually not averse to ENM. I averse to being lied to, gaslit, diminished, and things that I needed like time and affection, help around the house, being withheld from me. Until he looked me in the eye and said he didn’t do things that I had proof of. Until he used visiting work and parents as an excuse to leave his child and I alone for months, and I believed it, but I now know he was with his AP.

Oh, and I gave him sex dutifully like a good sex doll daily until he had to move for work. I even enjoyed it, but now I see it differently and with complete resentment because that all I was  was An aid to help him satisfy whatever he wanted, never seeing me as a person. Because he was happy to leave the person behind.

So judge away. Not all of us are closed minded. I would have accepted something open and honest, and may have even found it stimulating. Instead it’s broken me. Not because he found someone else, but because for so long I was led to, manipulated, and fell into place because I believed it. There was no reason not to. [/quote]

ETA- I could have found my other own happiness during that time. But I want alllowed to. THAT is the problem. I was watching his child while he was out at wineries and in someone else’s bed. I dutifully was being the person at home while he was “having a hard time at work”. I laid out my own happiness and got nothing in return but resentment, lies, and loss.

Nope, he’s not my reason for being, but his absence made it that way because someone needs to run the home and be stable for the kids. You stay sold and do extra to be kid because. They’re so busy and burdened. That’s what partners do, right? But he was out spending all that on someone else.

Get it now? [/quote]

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