Reply to If you’re happily married 16 plus years what do you attribute it to? What factors?

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[quote=Anonymous]My DH and I have been married 17 years but next week will be 27 years since our first date as teenagers (our freshman year of college).

Although I never thought I’d meet my spouse so young, it took the pressure off the early years - I could just enjoy what a smart, kind, funny person he was without worrying about marriage. Though I did make sure we were aligned on wanting kids someday. By the time things became more challenging, we had a strong foundation. And most days he still makes me laugh.

We are quite different in many respects - I am extroverted, he’s introverted; he’s atheist and I’m not; I grew up with a stay at home mom in a wealthier family while he was a latchkey kid caring for younger siblings etc. But we communicate well and just make it work. For instance, he encourages me to go out with friends often and watches the kids because he knows it recharges me and makes me a better wife and mother.

It’s not the easiest now as our jobs are under a lot of stress and our younger child has some sensory and ADHd challenges, but we are there for each other and when we’re angry we address it. My two biggest challenges in the relationship generally are that he snores - so often sleeps in one of our children’s rooms since they sleep more deeply - and he likes to be quiet and alone at the end of the day and I like to chat, so he sometimes gets a bit overwhelmed or I sometimes get a bit lonely. But then we adjust. As others hade mentioned it helps that our sex life is good, but it also helps that we give each other a lot of grace. My sex drive is really low when I’m nursing (I nursed each child a year) and we just dealt with it knowing it wasn’t forever. We are quick to apologize, and try to find the humor in things. Another poster mentioned this, but we also don’t have high standards. We’re both more cluttery than I would like, but I can live with it. We’ve both put on weight over the years. Physically he’s not the cutest if the men I dated, but he is the best overall fit. Are there others out there who might be better or equally good fits? Probably - in a world of billions of people neither of us believes in “the one” - but we’ve found each other and it works for us. [/quote]

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