Reply to Why do people blame their siblings over parental favoritism? What is the appropriate response?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]If you’re the favorite, you have a lot of unearned privilege.  Sit with that [/quote]

Snort.  My mom was not really great to any of us- three kids before 30, short temper, yelled a lot.  Not physically abusive beyond occasional spanking but I was always wary of setting her off.  I went away to college, my sister didn't take on debt like I did and went to the local commuter school while living at home.  Which was wise but it meant living with my parents longer, and apparently once I was gone my mom would talk about me in glowing terms all the time.  Absence makes the heart grow fonder?  But I don't feel like I got anything out of being the favorite besides a resentful sister, and I still don't like to be around my mom for extened periods of time because she can be so toxic and negative.[/quote]
My sister says this sort of nonsense, justifying it by saying that our parents weren't good to her either.  But it's a whole different level.  She just never paid attention because she's so caught up with herself.[/quote]

I'm not justifying anything.  Like I said, I left.  I took myself out of the situation, can't control my mom's behavior, and am not taking responsibility for her behavior.  Sorry not sorry.  Like what do you actually exepct of your sister?  Grovelling? Reparations?[/quote]
I expect:
(1) [b]Her to stop gaslighting me about the situation and acknowledge reality[/b]
(2) To stop thinking she deserves special treatment because she's just so special and that I'm a lesser human who deserves to be treated like crap

If she acknowledged the favouritism and that it is ridiculous and unwarranted, we'd be much more likely to have a relationship.  But instead she seeks to perpetuate it because she likes it.[/quote]

She isn't gaslighting you, she just doesn't believe what you are saying is true. No one has to acknowledge what they think is untrue.

Also you say "you expect"...who are you? Why does she have to do anything you say?

At this point I imagine that your sister doesn't want to be bothered with you, and you are the one demanding a relationship, in which she tell you that she is awful and so sorry for being so. Not going to happen. You are acting as if you have something to offer she wants or needs. You don't. So your behavior is risky, because she is going to disappear to get away from your torment.[/quote]
I have no idea what you're talking about.   I've cut her out of my life for being a self centered jerk of a human, which I think grew out of her being treated as the favorite child.  She'd love to keep me around as someone to blame and dump upon, but I'd had enough.

If you want an example of ongoing conduct and the gaslighting, here's one.  My youngest sister told her she was sexually abused by a family member for years as a kid.  My golden sister replied "Well, it couldn't have been that bad.  You seem fine."  Nevermind that my youngest sister had terrible teenage years where she was framed as the family problem child and struggled with mental health issues.  But golden sister is oblivious and still expects youngest sister to treat her abuser as an honored and favorite family member.

If golden sister was a different person who could acknowledge reality and consider the feelings of others, we'd be a different place.[/quote]

Dude are you 5?  Just cut her off already.[/quote]

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