Reply to DH walked out, I think- what do I do now?

Forum Index » Relationship Discussion (non-explicit)

Reply to "DH walked out, I think- what do I do now?"

Subject:

Emoticons





More smilies

Text Color: Font: Close Marks

[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]So he was annoyed that you expected him to sit and listen to you cry and/or rant about the school situation and then you expected him to stand quietly while you chatted with some random person you didn’t even really want to talk to while he was waiting for you?[/quote]

We were at a plant nursery and a woman in line with us noticed we were buying the same plant and shared her ideas about it and asked what I was going to do with mine. He said it was ridiculous that I felt the need to respond to her and why did I have to be like that.

I didn’t cry or rant about the school thing. I said I was really upset and worried about x thing that school told us had happened and wondered how we should talk to DD and how we should respond to school. He said nothing was going to fix it so we should just tell school it was fine and I should stop wasting everyone’s time on it.[/quote]

You know he’s insane, right? He must have a horrible time in the world. What a petty little b. Do you like him? He sounds absolutely insufferable. Has he always been? What a miserable existence.[/quote]

He’s probably always been insufferable but has always told me I’m in the wrong. As someone who is really adaptable and flexible and has a ton of empathy, I’ve usually been very thoughtful about his “feedback.” But I think I was actually just contorting myself in an attempt to manage his reactions. Honestly, it’s hard to see it clearly from inside this mess, and my family and friends not being here to witness the everyday makes it harder because I don’t have anyone observing it and saying it’s normal or not.

I will say that when my friends visit or we have rare social occasions, it’s like he can flip a switch when he wants to and play nice. But he can also withdraw and sulk to sort of punish me for social obligations, and that’s when I feel like I scramble to cover for him so I won’t lose all my connections completely.

Also he did come back tonight, pretending everything is normal, and when I tried to say that the silent treatment is inappropriate and abusive, he told me I’m abusing him and smirked at me and walked to another room.[/quote]
Thank you for update. Sounds like a challenging situation. Was his upbringing dysfunctional? How are his parents?[/quote]

Very mentally ill sibling who is in and out of inpatient [b]but it was hidden from me until well after we were married.[/b] FIL is kind but would be diagnosed with ASD now, and his dementia became incapacitating when he was relatively young and we were first married (late 50s) so I don’t know much about him. MIL is a gem but I think she has probably spent her life scrambling around to cover stuff up and there is a ton of shame and secrecy which I’m sure did not help DH’s emotional development.[/quote]

Sure it was.

Your MIL is "a gem" but was actively hiding this from you? [/quote]

Well, in every other way. I don’t want to slander her on the internet. She works really hard and is in a super awful situation.

Yes, it was hidden from me. The sibling would “go abroad” for special work projects, which made sense given the industry they’d worked in. Or when we went to visit their city, they would be “on a trip to see friends.”

When I finally figured out what was going on, DH said that his family felt really weird talking about the hospitalizations and this is how they’d always explained it and he didn’t know how to tell me. And at that point we were married with one baby, so it wasn’t like I was going to file for divorce because someone felt shame about mental illness and handled it badly. Now, with everything else that’s piled up, yeah, it’s bad.[/quote]

So ... they didn't discuss something that was not your business with you ... but here you are babbling about things being "hidden" from you. More drama. Another attempt at drumming up sympathy by acting like people did something awful to you when they didn't. [/quote]

I think that an entire family revolving around a sibling who has been in and out of hospitals since they were a tween and the other sibling was in grade school is something that probably should have been brought up before marriage. I can see that some PPs disagree but that is my opinion having lived through its impact on my family. -OP[/quote]

Options

	Disable HTML in this message
	Disable BB Code in this message
	Disable smilies in this message

Review message

Search Recent Topics Hottest Topics