Reply to Why do men rob you of your sparkle?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]

No you are missing the point. You should have more curiosity about your own emotional reaction. What attracted you to a guy who takes sparkles? Why did you continue to stay as he tried to take your sparkle?

Shifting the attention to him is a diversion from the real issue - your choices. [/quote]

It's well-known that "killing the sparkle", meaning the abuse, is very common when women are vulnerable. Like when pregnant and having infants. Most women who eventually divorce or at least realize that their sparkle has been killed, saw the first issues when they were pregnant/had infants. The choices in those circumstances are very limited as you perhaps can imagine. [/quote]

+1. Such a myth that abused women are attracted to abusers. Abusers aren’t abusers in the beginning. That’s how they trap you.  They lay down a foundation of love and trust and binding ties - saying I love you, buying a house or living together, getting engaged, planning a wedding or having a baby. Each step entraps you more, and the boundary testing begins subtly before it escalates to abuse, and often emotional abuse long before physical.  And our culture supports it all - telling women that “relationships are hard” and “marriage takes work”.

My DH didn’t start abusing me until I was pregnant.  I was very fortunate that I had a big pile of savings (that he didn’t know about) and complete moral and financial support from my parents and siblings when I finally shared the details of what was going on. Not everyone is so lucky.  And even after separation, I had to navigate very carefully through the child custody situation and had to stay in contact with him for many years, which definitely kept my sparkle down. [/quote]

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