Reply to AP to “Stepmom”

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]STBXH has been having an affair with a younger woman which is at least the most obvious cause of our divorce.

The affair has consisted as far as I can tell of all the best parts of the fun (and well funded) early infatuation / limerence phase.

By the time divorce is final and split custody really kicks in, it will be the first time she’s around our children.

It will also be the first time ExH has the children solo for such extended periods of time.

I’m worried for my kids of course but also just puzzled how this works for them. Maybe it’s just morbid curiosity but it seems like those changes will be more difficult to them than me (going from almost no help since I’m primary parent to more time off for myself).

We are still ironing out the details on custody etc so I’d anyone has BTDT and has any advice on things I may not be considering on the settlement agreement I’m all ears.

(I don’t know if she will officially become stepmom hence the quotation marks in subject line but I’m sure there will be some level of her playing at that role)

[/quote]

Advice?

1) Don’t badmouth her. Or him. 
2) Resist the urge to monitor or control their interactions with him or her when they are in his custody. 
3) Don’t get depressed if they like her. She’s probably younger, prettier and more fun. 
4) Don’t make the mistake of assuming your husband won’t be able to handle the kids on their own. He will be fine — they all are. Sometimes that comes as a disappointment to moms who think they will fall flat on their faces. [/quote].

OP here. Thanks.

1. I’m not badmouthing her. Harder with him as I’ve been confiding in a couple friends and family. But not to the kids!!

2. Fair enough. Honestly I feel like the less I know the better for me.

3. She is all 3 of these. I’d date her. At this point a lot sooner than I’d date him lol.

4. He is certainly competent to do this. They aren’t that hard.[b] It’s just that he seems to be doing it begrudgingly and being around them always puts him in an awful mood. [/b][/quote]

On the bright side he’s not your problem anymore.  It’s not great for your kids but it’s his relationship with them that will suffer.  Always make yourself a safe refuge and they will be ok.[/quote]

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