Reply to Really tough morning with teen - did I do the right thing?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]If consequences and punishment worked, I would be the most focused, productive, organized adult around.

Instead I am still disorganized, unfocused and unproductive and instead of having memories of a good childhood like my siblings, I mostly have bad memories as I didn't get to do much as I was always in trouble - at home and at school. Making one child the bad child who misses out on everything isn't really the parenting win some of you think it is.

As a young adult I tried to deny myself anything good and focus all my time and energy to get more done and sure, I did get maybe 5% more done but at the expense of my physical and mental health.

Down the road I learned to accept myself for who I am. I will never be the organized, productive or focused one. And even though others will be better at that than me, I deserve to still enjoy life, to have good things in life and to not spend my time in self-loathing and being punished or criticized or consequenced continually for things that I can't control. I am not a bad person who should be punished throughout life because my brain functions differently.
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Punishment is different than a reasonable consequence. You need to know the difference. Assuming every consequence = a punishment leads to lax, ineffective parenting. [/quote]

People can consequence and take away whatever they want. My parents tried reasonable consequences, natural consequences, punishment, taking away x and y. None of it made any difference in how my brain worked. I have no issue with OP taking things away. Parents have to try what they can. I am just saying it might not lead to the desired outcome of a focused kid who gets all his work done and in on time. [/quote]

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