Reply to Are working spouses resentful of stay at home spouses who live leisurely lives?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I have several good friends who stay at home. One has forever, one recently left their job. Both have kids in school full time, and one has a nanny as well. They both have cleaning help.

Both of them live very leisurely lives. Manicures, gym, lunches, beauty appointments, watching tv, going to the pool by themselves during the summer while kids are in day camp, etc.

My friend without the nanny is however, constantly shuttling her kids around, cooking full dinners etc - so a slightly less leisurely life. The one with a nanny truly seems to relax most of the time, nanny does the kids activities etc.

My husband would be okay if stayed home with our kids, but would absolutely resent it if I stayed home and relaxed all day while outsourcing all childcare and not contributing to our finances. And I’d probably resent him in the reverse scenario. How does this dynamic play out in marriages? Even if the spouses are relatively high earners, do they care?

I am not asking about stay at home parents of young kids or stay at home parents who don’t have full time nannies - their life is a grind, too. I am talking about stay at home parents who focus on themselves most of the day.  [/quote]

You are not a good friend. It's too bad your friends don't know how you feel because they'd drop you in a heartbeat. Nobody knows what goes on in another person's marriage and family life. [/quote]

Why? I’m sure there are things my friends wonder about with me as well. [b]I would feel strange lounging by a pool or working out daily knowing my husband is bankrolling all of it.[/b] My husband makes more money than I do, and I still have elements of this feeling - but I am the default parent and manage a ton around the house. I would legitimately feel weird just hanging by a pool all day while someone else takes care of my kids and my spouse works. The only exceptions would be if I was retired or had some huge trust fund and I had contributed/wasn’t entirely financially dependent on my spouse (and even then I’d still want to do some stimulating project.)[/quote]
What many people seem to forget, is that the DH is only able to "bankroll" anything because the DW is taking care of everything else[b], thereby giving him the time and mental energy to do his job really well.

People who get their fulfillment from an office job are sad AF.
-mom who has stayed home, worked full=time, and is now part-time.[/quote]

Many successful men at my work have successful wives, so the bold is categorically false for some/many people.  Maybe some men cannot do menial things like cook, clean, and organize home maintenance - most men can do this just like most women can work.[/quote]

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