Reply to How/why do people have a second (or more?!?!) child?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I'm extremely anxious and type A and I knew that if I only had one kid it would put way too much pressure on my "one perfect child."  We have three which enables me to more evenly distribute my neuroses among them rather than piling it all on one kid.   [/quote]

This is completely valid. My mother in law is like this. She has two kids and I always said she should have had three. My spouse and their sibling were completely coddled in a way that I think has been detrimental to them long term. There are some benefits to coming from a smaller family, but for an intensive parent like this, I think the downsides are prominent.[/quote]

DP and while this isn't why I have 3, it's part of why I am glad I had 3, if that makes sense. I had them because our family didn't feel complete until the 3rd. Still, like PP said it's helpful that I can't pile all my concern onto a single child, or even 2.[/quote]

+1. I was on a playdate for my two younger children over the weekend with the mom of an only who definitely falls into the coddling/crazy category. She is also a SAHM who is very much debilitated by her desire to be a perfect mother and wife, which for her manifests as control. She was going on and on about how she couldn't find the perfect breakfast option for her three year old. She has decided not to use the microwave anymore, but is against using the stove for breakfast or serving anything with a preservative; she would rather take a nap then drink caffeine; and she spent three hours on Friday chopping things while her daughter watched TV so she and her husband could enjoy a perfect home cooked meal. Meanwhile, her three year old is still not potty trained and they have hired multiple consultants to help (hello! it's control!); her daughter can only exist in two spaces in their giant home - her own bedroom or her overly curated playroom; and her daughter won't even share a pretzel with her and asserts herself constantly in opposition to authority at home and at school. Meanwhile, my three year old is potty trained (as is my older child); my kids eat a variety of foods at breakfast and I get them all out the door and to school on time during the week without having a panic attack if one of them eats instant oatmeal; my children are all actually really good at sharing with each other and others (even my 18 month old); there is no space in my home where my children can't be; my three year old's preschool teachers called her a leader and she's not concerned with defining herself in opposition to me or my husband; and my husband and I both work and have a great relationship, which is not predicated on me aspiring to be some perfect version of a wife and mother. I'm not saying this woman is a typical mom of an only, but she seems so controlling of her child and every space her child exists in that I think having multiple children would benefit her parenting because she'd have to relax a little and let go of this perfect mom/perfect wife facade. More focused time with a child doesn't always equal a better relationship, especially if the parent is very controlling. [/quote]

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