Reply to “I’m destitute, and I need you to solve this”

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Once again, the elderly haters are out in force. You people have no idea what your future will be like but you will be old in a wink of an eye.

There is an entire spectrum here. Do nothing and let her live in a government home to letting her move in with you and find her lifestyle. Neither of those options are reasonable. She needs to learn and have some skin in the game. But it can be done with compassion. What is that? I do t know all your details but a financial person (& therapist) can help find that place that works for you.

Honestly, the coldness some of you have towards family, and specifically parents who raised you, is breathtakingly selfish. But I do believe we do have the obligation to care for loving parents as they age. That doesn’t mean giving them what they want 100% or giving at the ruin of your own family. Jesus, people. [/quote]

Yes majority of us will help "loving parents".  But most will not help a parent who will not learn from their bad actions.  The mom had a good vehicle, paid off and sold it to buy one they cannot afford.  If they dont' want help, you don't go into debt/stress your marriage for them.  
[/quote]

Which is . . . . what I said. There is a spectrum of help that doesn't require you to go into debt or stress your marriage. But MANY of you are saying do nothing. And many of you are dripping with contempt for the people that raised you. It's disgusting.[/quote]

DP - no, most people are advising not to make significant financial commitments.  The OP’s mom sounds like she needs a good deal of help which, for many people, would stress their marriage or require them to go into debt.  If the OP is raising kids right now, there often is very little bandwidth.

IME, the “loving parents” are the ones who do NOT want to burden their kids.  They go to great lengths not to.  And because their kids realize that, they actually are willing to help - they know they’re not being taken advantage of or manipulated.  They know their parents prioritized them appropriately.  It’s the parents who put their own needs first, consistently, who demand too much of their adult children, [b]just like they demanded too much from their kids when they were young[/b].  Some of us are trying to break that cycle.[/quote]
The subject of this thread is not your mother, and was described as a good mother. She’s one of “these people” in her mid 70s with cognitive decline. [/quote]
Actually, the OP described her as “not a bad mother,” which isn’t the same thing as a good mother. She may have been, but that’s not the phrase OP used. You and others inserted it into this thread for the purpose of bashing the OP and people who won’t martyr themselves for the elderly parents.[/quote]

Why are the options either martyring yourself or just helping your mom keep her house? Of course if OP is going to lose HER house by helping her mother, don't do it! But if you can keep your mother from having to eat cat food without losing your own roof? We don't know the exact details of what'd be involved here. But certainly we haven't heard anything suggesting OP's only means of self-preservation is to block her mother and pretend she never existed.

Yeah, her mom made terrible financial choices. Seems never to have done anything other than that. Do you think you're doing to teach her a lesson now that she's in her 70s and finally get her to change her ways, by putting her on food stamps?[/quote]

Are you expecting your kids to fund your retirement?

No one is talking about cat food.  OP’s mom just bought a brand new car!  She has to change her ways because her ways have led to bankruptcy.  So yes, I WOULD expect that.[/quote]

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