Reply to At odds with spouse ove how much house we can afford

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP I read this entire thread and I see why it is not helpful to you.  You are looking for help with conflict resolution, but you need to ask a question, why this conflict exists in the first place.

There are two reasons I can see why DH is so super fiscally conservative and you need to look at it and solve this problem first:
 
1) His income is not as secure as you think, so while you think you can count on it, he knows something that tells him it's not so.  You need to have a long honest talk with him, maybe he is not telling you something or doesn't feel comfortable.  You need to use this information in helping you make a decision.  Can you afford your dream house on just your income, is this going to be easy for him to find a job with such a high pay again?

2) He came from lower income family or a family that has lost everything and he was traumatized by this growing up.  This can make him unnaturally risk averse and unwilling to spend even the amount most people would agree you could easily afford.  If he is very frugal and risk averse, the key to convincing him is to prepare a solid backup plan and prove to him that even if you both lose jobs or lose significant portion of the income, you will be able to afford your home, or sell it, recovering costs, etc.  You need to make him feel secure, because his mind is not comprehending this and he is anxious.  
[/quote]

Thanks for taking the time to read this.  To answer your reasons, I can say this.  His income is COMPLETELY secure. If he chooses to take an 80% pay cut, that will be totally his choice, think moving from private to public sectors. He is supremely employable, so what he choses is his decision.

He did not come from a low SES family nor did they lose everything.  He is just conservative.  I'm fine using a chunk of savings now- think $200K out of $800K is perfectly fine to take out and put down om my dream home, he doesn't. I do want to enjoy the fruits of our labor now, make my life easier now, and not only save for later, we still have PLENTY of cushion for later.  [/quote]

OP, do you want to figure out how to reach a compromise that you both can live with?  Or do you want help convincing him that you're right and he's wrong?[/quote]

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