Reply to Would you tell your IVF child that you discarded the extra embryos?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP, I agree with previous poster that it sounds like the discomfort is coming from you and you should explore that.

But I also disagree with others that your kids would not care.  That actually baffles me.  I guess it depends on the circumstances.  If you had 7 leftover, it's obvious you can't have them all and that might not be so personal.  But if you had one leftover and was on the fence about an additional child and ultimately decided no, I could see that meaning something to your future children (and be very hard on yourself!).  It also depends on the child and your family dynamics.  Sensitive kids might absolutely care.  My grandmother and my uncle's wife had abortions and I can assure you those decisions has had huge impacts on the rest of the family, even now.  People want to make it seem like something like that should only affect the mother but that is simply a naive take and not how human psychology works.  If you are ever in this scenario of extra embryos, maybe consider just not telling your kids.  It is your burden to carry and make peace with that.  The only time I would consider revealing that info would be if one of your kids undergoes IVF in the future and they are at a place of being able to better understand it. [/quote]

It’s just such a reach to think a child would care about an embryo, a hypothetical sibling. My mother had an abortion before I was born and after I was born. I don’t see how that has anything to do with me. [/quote]

Everyone is different clearly. If I were in your shoes, that info would affect me greatly. I think it rather odd people don't care or [b]wonder what life would have been like with another sibling aroun[/b]d, more cousins for my kids etc. Would I treat my mom differently? Probably not. But would I care? Definitely.[/quote]

Right but that's something you can wonder about with or without the IVF/embryos angle. If your parent said "we decided to stop after X kids" that were conceived naturally, how is that any different? Many families could have been a different size depending on the decisions adults made and some amount of random chance.[/quote]

I think this goes back to what another poster said, that [b]embryos are not nothing[/b]. I know ladies here have been through a lot and perhaps that leads to a certain skewed view in embryos but I do not believe they are nothing. There is some gray there and the fact that there was a distinct genetic possible sibling created but never given a chance is not the same as my parents deciding not to conceive anymore children. Like it or not that genetic link was created and willfully discarded. [/quote]

Neither are periods or male masturbation.  Should these events involving discarding genetic material be documented and disclosed to future offspring?  What about miscarriages?  Suspected miscarriages?  What about all the potential children left to just drip down the leg?  You folks have lost all sense of reality and are hyperventilating about potentials that didn’t happen.  Hopefully your future children will have better sense than you.[/quote]

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