Reply to Are you offended when someone says they “didnt want someone else to raise my kids”?

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Reply to "Are you offended when someone says they “didnt want someone else to raise my kids”?"

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I think the fundamental misunderstanding is that “raising your kids” doesn’t need to be either a compliment or a put-down.  It’s just a neutral description, and you’re all bringing your own baggage to it.

My kids were in daycare full time, and every single one of their caregivers absolutely has had a hand in raising them.  That’s where they learned how to use a toilet, how to eat with utensils, how to diffuse conflict with other kids, etc.  It’s dishonest to pretend that the function of the daycare was just to keep them alive until my spouse and I could pick them up at 5:30 and start raising them that day.

Similarly, my children are lucky enough to have four living grandparents who spend significant time with them.  I have no problem acknowledging that their grandparents are also helping to raise them.

Of course my husband and I are also raising them, but no, we’re not doing it by ourselves.  This is a team effort and there’s no shame involved.[/quote]

I think the issue is the implication that if someone says their choice is:

SAH —&gt; so I can raise my kids

this means the alternative is

Working —&gt; I cannot raise my kids.

Because if you can still “raise your kids” while working then why would being able to raise your kids be a reason to SAH?

It’s totally stupid logic. SAH because you want to or because it works for your family or whatever. But unless you’re an absentee parent (e.g. a working parent who makes no effort to spend more than 10 min/day with their kid or an alcoholic SAHP who parks their kid in front of the iPad all day) you are raising your kids. Employment status is not the determinative factor and also there is a reason “working dad” isn’t a commonly used saying. Any SAHM who uses this “raising my own kids” phrasing is dealing with a lot of internalized misogyny and I feel bad for them.[/quote]

Also the logic here is

SAH parent -&gt; raise my kid but my H is an absentee parent.

I think, why would you get pregnant with a man who doesn't want to raise children.[/quote]

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