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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP they are freezing you out on purpose because they know that if they're nice to you, you'll escalate your demands. You have an image of a blended family in your mind and if they show you any minor courtesy it makes you think you can implement it. So they have to be super cold to you to stop you from pressuring them. It's like when someone wants to date you and you don't want to date them-- they can't give you any encouragement and mixed messages make it worse. My mom is like this too, so I've had a freeze on her boyfriend and his family for 20 years. It isn't gonna change.

You need to ask yourself how this looks 5, 10, 15 years from now. Because they aren't going to come around. Your kids can spend holidays with your ex, I hope, if you choose this situation over time with your kids. His kids have nowhere else to go. So are you hoping they never come home? I just don't see how these ingredients produce an acceptable family life for anyone.[/quote]

15 years from now his kids will be adults.  Are you seriously advocating adult kids having veto power over their divorced parent's choice of new partner? I get that you may not like that your father has a new partner, but if you're an adult, [b]your choices are to accept it or to stay away[/b]. If you must get together for holidays, it looks sort of childish to affect complete coldness out of fear that you may be pressured to do more if you show the slightest bit of courtesy. [/quote]

Well yes, so does OP think the future holds many happy holidays that are boycotted by his kids? And that he'll be happy with that as the status quo?  It doesn't sound so great to me. Not saying the kids should have veto power or that they are right to avoid (though they may be, I don't know), I'm just saying does OP see her relationship thriving if this is how things shake out with his kids? Or the same if her kids choose to avoid-- will OP be happy with that outcome in the long run?[/quote]

OP does not think his kids will boycott anything in the future. They don't have another family to go to. Their mom has never had them for any holiday. They are very close to all of their dads family. They don't have family on moms side.[/quote]

They could just not come home at all. [/quote]

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