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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I remember the last time my DW seemed really turned on and initiated sex. It was September of 2022. That was great! Since then, I’m really the one who initiates but there’s a 50/50 chance of being shot down. I’d say we average maybe once month to six weeks at best. I get frustrated, but try to stay positive. When I try to talk about it, it doesn’t seem to help. If I say something like, “We haven’t had sex since my birthday” (at the end of August), she gets annoyed and says she can’t believe I’m keeping track. A week or so ago she asked me what was wrong. Said I seemed down. I explained that it was probably because of the pre mentioned reason and that I kept hoping (daily) that she might be the one to show interest or initiate it. Well, here we are a weekend later…[/quote]

The first rule of sexless marriage is don’t talk about sexless marriage.

Because it makes the *witholding* spouse upset.

And we can’t have that.[/quote]

Yep. BTDT. Whatever the reason, it’s crazy not to be able to objectively acknowledge “you know, most people anticipate that sex will be part of a marriage”. 
[/quote]

Abusive husbands especially LOVE that line. [/quote]

There’s a difference in how you approach it.

I’ve been on both sides - the low drive spouse (in my first marriage) and the high drive (current marriage).

In my first marriage, I made it clear to H what I needed to want sex - he needed to be nicer, to work with me as a team, stop the emotional abuse, do things I enjoy in bed. He refused to do those things, would get angry, and do the whole “married people have sex!” and “fine I’ll go cheat!” thing.

With my second H, I was calm and had multiple discussion with him about how sex wa important to me and I wanted to do everything I could to help him want sex, rather than pressure him into it.

When a year went by and he still wasn’t into sex, I had a calm discussion that I loved him, and I would never force him to have sex, but it was important to me so we’d have to either split up or open the marriage because I wasn’t going to force someone into sex they didn’t want or go the rest of my life without it.

One is trying to manipulate someone into sex, the other is acknowledging that you won’t force them, but you also won’t be sexless and so a solution needs to be found. Then they get to choose what the solution is.

[/quote]

No one cares.

And this has nothing to do with abusive deadweight husbands/ fathers who abuse and then turn around to threaten and demand “sex because it’s a natural part of marriage.”

BS. [/quote]

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