Reply to How to tell these parents I can’t help?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]These responses are just crazy to me. I understand that you already have trouble getting out the door, but these are your kids actual friends right? My son was easier if he had a friend around. I would offer at least a week to see if the arrangement works. Would you say no to being an emergency contact? what about the school looses power and cancels half the day, would you watch your kids friends then? When you need a favor this is going to bite you back.[/quote]

We would be friends :). You get what you give....I bet many of these responses are from people always moaning about how hard it is to raise a kid these days with no community and every man for themselves without looking in the mirror and considering how they created that very community for themselves.  Not that OP should drive every day but the paranoia from all the responders that if you do find a way to help at all you're going to be taken advantage by people just looking to step all over everyone else and never contribute back is wild[/quote]

No I think a lot of these responses are from recovering people pleasers who have been burned one too many times and are working on pushing back.

That's me. I was raised to be helpful and do what I could to contribute to the community. And I actively sought out community and sought to make myself a useful member of them.

About 12 years ago I got burned HUGE by one such community where I'd done a ton of unpaid labor to help others and really thought we all cared about each other. Then I learned (1) I'd been the subject of nasty and mean-spirited gossip about how I was tedious and lame by many of the women in the community and (2) I had a health scare where I needed help and only one member of that community showed up for me in any way and even then it was just a call to see if I was okay. These were people I'd baked casseroles for and hosted baby showers for and just generally worked pretty hard to be supportive and kind. And I was left wondering if half the reason they looked down on me and thought I was "tedious" was specifically because I was a helpful person who sought to be of service to others.

Now I don't care so much about broader communities like the neighborhood or the school parents or the work community. I have close friends and family and I take care of them and I view most other people as a potential user and keep them at arms length. And I have zero regrets about this.

This would be a hard no for me but I'd say it in a nice way and wish them luck and figuring it out.[/quote]

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