Reply to DH is not the person I married :(

Forum Index » Relationship Discussion (non-explicit)

Reply to "DH is not the person I married :("

Subject:

Emoticons





More smilies

Text Color: Font: Close Marks

[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Oh, now he wants to be Mr Mom, when they are 12 and 15 and almost completely self sufficient. Fascinating.[/quote]

Yes - this also gets me.. He was so absent when I needed him. He went to the office before they went to school and came home after dinner. He never made an effort to help on a daily basis with the kids. [/quote]

You mean he was working long hours being the person you wanted him to be and providing you the life you wanted? You can't both complain that he's unattractive when he's present and that he was absent when he was acting the way you find attractive.

He burned himself out being the kind of man you're attracted to and now he wants out. I don't blame him; that life is miserable.[/quote]

But he is not present. He sleeps in, works out and golfs. It would be one thing if he was helping with the kids and the house but he is not. Also, why have kids if you're not going to raise them? [b]Simply going to work and earning the money doesn't cut it. Everyone does that.[/b][/quote]

Are you OP? The man OP wanted wasn't a dad. She wanted drive, motivation, and high income. Those jobs are incompatible with doing much more than simply going to work and earning the money. OP herself took a cut to what she was earning so that she could have a job that enabled her to do the childcare. So no, not "everyone does that." OP didn't. She didn't do that because she liked taking care of the kids, and now, when she's asked to do what he did for 15 years, it's unreasonable. It's telling that she can't bear the thought of taking on exactly the kind of life that she demands of him.[/quote]

I'm not (wasn't OP) but are you incapable of reading? He wasn't like this when they married and had children. He was working hard and earning a high income. And I'm assuming OP was willing and happy for her career to stagnate because he was doing what needed to be done. He is no longer doing that. If he is sleeping in, staying up late, working out and playing golf, he has plenty of time to take on my household responsibilities. He just chooses to prioritize his comfort. And not that the kids are grown he wants to do all that and have her work more. GTFOH.[/quote]

Doesn’t OP’s husband still make high income? So basically OP and the rest of you place value on the pointless hustle?

Who in their right mind would chose to work more for the same money?[/quote]

NP.  She actually never said he made a high income, just that he was a hard worker and had drive.

But let's assume for the sake of argument he made a high income.  [b]So when the kids were young he had a hard, high-income job that brought in most of the HHI.  Big contribution, big effort. [/b] She took a more flexible job and handled 100% of child/house care.  Big contribution, big effort.  [b]Now he has a very easy job that (maybe?) pays the same as before, but does still does nothing for the kids.  Good contribution, no effort.[/b]  She is doing what she's always done, job + still handles all of the work around the house/kids, but the kids are older now so probably not as hands-on as when they were 5/2.  Big contribution, somewhat less effort on the kid front (but still all the effort on the house front).

He wants her to change jobs, find something that pays more, and [i]if[/i] she does he will help out more around the house and with "kid shuttling" - strangely the same year that the oldest will be able to drive themselves.  So in his mind, he will be back to big contribution, big effort, which isn't crazy.  But he's starting from the position that she owes him more money to justify him pitching in more around the house, when he has more free time than anyone in the household right now.  That's what's messed up.  She hasn't slacked off in any respect, but he's telling her to step her game up to convince him to put in any effort on the kids/home front.  I would not take that kind of direction well from a husband who sleeps in every morning, golfs twice a week, and works less than 40 hours.  Income isn't really the sole issue (remember, she never even said he was high income, just a hard worker).  He's slacking and still acting like she isn't putting in the effort that would justify him being a partner.[/quote]

You make no sense. If he's making the same as before, why is that not a big contribution?[/quote]

Options

	Disable HTML in this message
	Disable BB Code in this message
	Disable smilies in this message

Review message

Search Recent Topics Hottest Topics