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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Have kids with XH. New DH has no kids. Discussing the possibility of a kid together… I’m over 40. I conceived my other kids 9+ years ago first try each time, carried full term, no miscarriages. What are the odds I am still fertile? Anyone else have a second round child?[/quote]

I had a baby with my second husband. One from first marriage. What you are describing is a hard idea for a lot of reasons. If your youngest kid is 9, that kid will be entering teen years when you have a new baby. In my experience, tween years are when you want to be the most present for your kids as they are dealing with a lot of development at that time. Having a new baby or being pregnant or otherwise focused on "the second round" as you call it would make it really hard for you to be the best parent you can be to the kids you already have. You are also old enough that pregnancy itself is going to be physically difficult in ways that your decade-ago pregnancies were not. My second baby was born when I was 35, at which point my older child was turning 8. Being pregnant at 35 was physically harder than the easy pregnancy I had 28.

Honestly, that you are calling it a "second round" is a red flag. Quit playing fantasy house with your new husband and parent the children you already have. [/quote]

This!

You are setting yourself up to crumble the relationship you have with your kids.  They will rebel and hate you.  It will be your fault - both in reality and perceived.  You are the adult.

Out of necessity you will spend more time with the baby when your kids need you. Your husband won't have the patience with them than a biological father would. He will end up resentful of the time and energy they need, especially from you.  He will end up with a bad relationship with them, which will eventually soil your relationship with them.  Oh and he will help you to spoil his baby at the expense of your children, which will fuel their resentment.[/quote]

I rarely say anything specific and personal on these boards, but I have an older son I had when I was young.  His dad is in and out of his life.   We were terrible as a couple but married for religious reasons and divorced soon after.   After years as a single mom, I met my current DH.  It took a few years after we got married, but we now have young kids together.  DH has always been super involved in my older son's life.  They bonded over sports. Even if my son's dad is in town, DH attends all his games.  There were times before we had new kids where I'd think, yay, we have a Saturday off because dad is in town; let's go on a weekend trip, and DH wouldn't let us go until after the sports game.  When we had new babies, DH took over with older son.  DH, like some men, was not great with babies.  He loved them and doted, but he is with my older son whenever he is offered the choice between doing baby/toddler stuff on the weekends versus taking my older son to a sports game or golfing.  I have to make sure he gives me time with my older son.

This is to say that every situation is different.   My situation and the PP's sound like opposites.  Take the advice you get here with a grain of salt.[/quote]

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