Reply to Having Kids Is Overrated and Most People Have No Idea Until It’s Way Too Late

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Reply to "Having Kids Is Overrated and Most People Have No Idea Until It’s Way Too Late"

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]There are no guarantees with children and no way to know ahead of time what is in store for you. We are still at the beginning of our parenting journey with a 5 yo and it is sometimes exhausting but also often joyful. I have also learned a lot so far from being a parent. My DH and I often talk about how these are the best years -    we are truly enjoying them. It certainly will be nice when DD is more independent but we recognize we'll miss this stage.

I think the myth that OP has identified is that once you are past the little kid stage it is easy. My parents are still struggling with my failure to launch sibling. She finally has a job at age 30 but still lives at home. My DH has a reasonably close relationship with his parents but there is a lot of annoyance and frustration on both sides. Friends with adult children are delaying retirement because they want to make sure their kids can sustain themselves financially. That being said, I think the happiest I've seen anyone is my parents and in laws with their first grandchild. There is a reason many parents annoyingly pressure their kids to have children. They shouldn't do it, but it is totally in their interest because of the sheer joy grandchildren bring.to a person.

[b]I think one factor that can help (but again no guarantees) is sticking with one child. Studies show women with one kid are happier than those with zero or multiple children, and that only children have better relationships with their parents (on average, again, no guarantees). It also takes away a lot of financial pressure.[/quote][/b]

This is the way. I tell all my fence sitter friends to do it, but just have one. You get the experience of parenting but, assuming no special needs, you're playing on easy mode.[/quote]

Easier for the parents but lonelier for the only child. No siblings to bond with and parents of onlys tend to be smothering to make up for the lack of siblings. [/quote]

Everyone is different but I think my only is less lonely than I was as a kid with 3 siblings. So many factors go into it-- the age gap was just enough that my sibs never felt like true playmates, and my mom was clinically depressed most of my childhood which resulted in tough family dynamics. I think my kid is a lot better off having two parents who aren't constantly cash strapped and stressed and a mom who has the means and bandwidth to take care of my mental health. Plus being in a good place mentally helps me strike a balance on being there for my kid but not smothering, and course correcting when I need to.

There are so many factors that go into a child's overall experience and number of kids is just one. For us, having only one and doing the parenting gig on an easy setting" helps us make a lot of other stuff better. Including being happier and enjoyable my parenting more. The trade off is worth it for (including DD) I think.[/quote]

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