Reply to How to get through to DH that doing 80% doesn't count?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]We struggle with this and I have found that the only thing that works is to bring up these things when we are happy, like when we are out having a date night or something.  I know it sounds counterintuitive — why ruin a good time with complaining? I think the thing is that [b]I can be more solutions-focused rather than self-righteous[/b] and he’s less defensive and tired. He’s so much better around the house after we have these discussions.  I do think there is kind of a regression to the mean so we have to have these conversations periodically. It’s frustrating for sure, but he’s always going to kind of be like this and I won’t spend the rest of my life finishing every task for him, getting angrier and angrier. [/quote]

I think you make a really good point here - I had a phone call with a good friend the other day and she was unloading about her husband and made a comment along the lines of how doing this task was the right thing to do and he was wrong to be putting it off. It was not safety-related and it was an outside issue so not something in the house that was affecting their daily life. I told her that she needed to stop thinking she had the moral high ground because that's how it was coming off and it was really obnoxious. Should he complete the task? Sure, especially if he agreed to do it. But she was being really self-righteous and I see that coming through in these posts as well. I personally can't stand dishes sitting out so we don't have a drying rack. Dishes go straight from the dishwasher to the cabinets, period. But I'm not morally right in my stance, it's just my preference. Same with laundry. Yes, I get it that wrinkles form when clothes are left in the dryer, but the refresh cycle can solve that problem. It's a preference to have laundry completed all the way through putting it away in the same day but it's not the morally correct response. And I can see how someone coming at you with an air of self-righteousness would be super annoying. [/quote]

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